


The Group Chat Shenanigans

by Leslmorr121314



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), CROSS GENE, History (Band), JBJ (Band), NU'EST, PRISTIN (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), SF9 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Chatting & Messaging, Comedy, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 04:02:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18652516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leslmorr121314/pseuds/Leslmorr121314
Summary: A chatfic about a motley crew of weirdos, pimps, drug dealers, and good boiz that somehow manage to get along (most of the time). Follow these teenagers as they make funnies, giggles, angst, love, connection, did I mention angst, and much more. Essentially this is what you get when you don't have a plot in mind or one to follow a.k.a this tomfoolery we have here.





	1. Group Chat Shenanigans (and much more)

** Big Booty Hoes (Plus Takuya) **

**Takuya:** Yo Jihoon

**Takuya:** Add me back on PlayStation Network

**Jihoon:** I don't have a PlayStation

**Takuya:** What are you talking about?

**Takuya:** You literally told me your screen name and told me to add you

**Jihoon:** No I didn't

**Takuya:** You sent me a snap saying "Add me bitch"

**Jihoon:** Did I?

**Takuya:** JIHOON

**Jihoon:** No thank you

**Takuya:** I'm-

**Kyulkyung:** Wow

**Kyulkyung:** That was painful 

**Kyulkyung:** But you should be used to the rejection right Tak?

**Takuya:** Bite me Pinky

**Kyulkyung:** Anytime

* * *

**Big Booty Hoes (Plus Takuya)**

**Chungha:** Sup hoes

**Chungha:** I FUCKING MISSED YOU BITCHES

**Chungha:** I FELT LIKE WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER ALL SUMMER

**Donghan:** Awwww I missed you too!!!!

**Donghan:** Even though we spent the entire week together...BUT I STILL MISSED YOU TOO!

**Hansol:** Who the fuck would let this gremlin in the chat?

**Hansol:** Wait a minute...

**Hansol:** Donghan...

**Donghan:**

**Donghan:** I felt bad...

**Kyungil:** You should

**Chungha:** MY SEXY BOYFRIEND

**Chungha:** I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN LIKE TWO HOURS

**Chungha:** MISS U BABY

**Hansol:** I am disgusted

**Kyulkyung:** You better talk to her before I do

**Kyulkyung:** Cuz imma hurt her feelings

**Chungha:** You guys are fucking nerds

**Chungha:** Anywho...

**Chungha:** Party tonight

**Chungha:** Park Chanyeol's place

**Chungha:** You have no choice or say in the matter

**Hansol:** I.WANT.HER.OUT

**Chungha:** Kyungy

**Chungha:** Frog-hoe is bullying me

**Kyungil:** Hansol

**Chungha:** Yeah get him babe

**Kyungil:** I'm sorry that Chungha is bothering me

**Chungha:** YOU FUCKING TRAITOR

**Kyulkyung:** Did someone say party? At Park SEXY-AS-HELL-SEXY-AS-THE-BEAUTIFUL-DAWN Chanyeol

**Kyungil:** *Rubs hands together manically*

**Jihoon:** *Sees Pinky rubbing her hands together looking like a fly*

**Kyulkyung:** Usually I'd be offended

**Kyulkyung:** But that was great Ji

**Kyulkyung:** You win this time

**Takuya:** THERE YOU ARE YOU BITCH

**Takuya:** YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER YOU FUCKING LEPRECHAUN

**Dongho:**???

**Wendy:** ^^^

**Kyulkyung:** Scroll up

**Jihoon:** Here I am Bitch

**Takuya:** ADD.ME.BACK

**Jihoon:** No

**Takuya:** WHY

**Jihoon:** Because

**Jihoon:** Next question

**Wendy:** Not even going to ask

**Dongho:** And neither do I care

**Seulgi:** *Snorts in loneliness*

**Chungha:** YAY WE'RE ALL ON AT THE SAME TIME

**Hansol:** No, we're not dumbass

**Hansol:** Juho isn't on

**Chungha:** Who?

**Juho:** If I throw hands with her

**Juho:** You guys better not say shit

**Kyungil:** Please

**Dongho:** I won't stop you

**Dongho:** I trust your judgement

**Kyulkyung:** Do it

**Wendy:** It's none of business

**Takuya:** Yeet that hoe

**Chungha:** WHAT IS THIS?!?!

**Chungha:** IS THIS TREASON!?!?!?!

* * *

** Big Booty Hoes (Plus Takuya) **

**Chungha:** OH YOU BITCHES CAN'T REPLY

**Chungha:** Fuck y'all

* * *

**Big Booty Hoes (Plus Takuya)**

**Chungha:** It's okay guys I forgive you and I can't wait to see you at the party tonight😊

* * *

  **Big Booty Hoes (Plus Takuya)**

**Dongho:** Are you assholes still alive?

**Wendy:** Oh God I hope not

**Dongho:** Where are you at Wen?

**Wendy:** I'm outside 

**Wendy:** It's too crowded in there

**Wendy:** Not really my thing

**Wendy:** Join me

**Takuya:** UGH THAT WAS SO CUTE

**Takuya:** YOU GUYS ARE MY OTP

**Dongho:** Why did you tell him we were dating

**Takuya:** 😝😝😝

**Jihoon:** Takuya

**Takuya:** Yes, Love?

**Jihoon:** Shut the fuck up

**Hansol:** WHERE THE FUCK IS DONGHAN?!?!?!

**Wendy:** Oh no

**Juho:** WOAH WOAH WOAH THE FUCK YOU MEAN "WHERE IS DONGHAN"??!!?!??!!??!?

**Hansol:** WHAT THE FUCK I MEAN?!?!?!?

**Hansol:** I MEAN THAT KIM DONGHAN IS MISSING

**Juho:** YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO WATCH HIM

**Juho:** MY POOR BABY

**Juho:** OH MY GOD HE FUCKING DEAD

**Donghan:** But I'm standing right beside you Ju

**Juho:** OH SHIT

**Juho:** False alarm everyone 

**Jihoon:** This party is lame

**Jihoon:** Takuya

**Jihoon:** You wanna yeet ourselves to McDonald's?

**Takuya:** OH MY GOD

**Takuya:** DID HE ACTUALLY JUST?!?

**Takuya:** YES

**Takuya:** 1000 TIMES YES

**Takuya:** I LOVE YOU JIHOON

**Jihoon:** Bitch get in the car

**Takuya:** 😘😘

**Kyungil:** I heard someone's doing the keg naked!

**Kyungil:** That's fuckin wild

**Kyungil:** Wait

**Kyungil:** Wait a minute...

**Kyungil:** CHUNGHA WHAT THE FUCK

**Kyungil:** PUT YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES ON

**Dongho:** Alright

**Dongho:** That's our sign to go

**Dongho:** Wendy let's go

**Dongho:** Juho take Donghan home

**Dongho:** Kyungil...I'm sorry?

**Kyungil:** Not as much as I am

**Kyungil:** Not even close.

 

 

 

 


	2. All is Fair in Love and War (Whatever That Means)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chungha: As you guys know I've been on vacation...
> 
> Hansol: I think you mean house arrest you felon
> 
> Chungha: Whatever, Potato-Penis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little backstory: They're (mostly) all rich, preppy kids with issues. Relatable? I know right?!?!

**Big Booty Hoes (Plus Takuya)**

**Hansol:** So how was the party last night?

**Chungha** : SHUT THE FUXK UP YOU FROGY BITCH IT IS TOO EARLY IN THE GODAMN MORNING!@#$%^&*

**Hansol** : Seems like Chungha had fun

Donghan: It wasn't the best experience

**Donghan** : But Ju made it so much better

**Jihoon** : 

**Jihoon** : Y'all fucking or nah?

**Dongho:** JIHOON

**Jihoon:** What Bitch

**Dongho:** I'm-

**Dongho:** Why do I even

**Wendy:** Why aren't you guys getting ready for school

**Seulgi:** Who's she?

**Seulgi:** Does she go here?

**Wendy:** Guys

**Jihoon:** Kuya

**Jihoon:** Babe

**Jihoon:** Honey

**Jihoon:** Sweetie

**Jihoon:** Dear

**Jihoon:** Daddy

**Dongho:** WOAH

**Takuya:** Um...yes?Babe?

**Jihoon:** Let me drive the Lambo today 😘😘

**Takuya:** Yes

**Takuya:** I mean sure Babe

**Jihoon:** 😘😘😘 Thank you Daddy

**Dongho:** That's enough internet for me today

* * *

**Big Booty Hoes (Plus Takuya)**

**Donghan:** Hey guys~~~~~~

**Donghan:** The Fair is in town this week!!!!

**Hansol:** Awwww that's so cute

**Donghan:** Huh?

**Donghan:** I want us all to go silly Hansol 😆😆

**Donghan:** I really want a candy apple! and cotton candy! Ooooooooh and a funnel cake

**Donghan:** Please please please please come!!!

**Hansol:** Aw cute

**Juho:** Of course we'll go! Right guys?

**Dongho:** That totally wasn't threatening at all Ju

**Dongho:** We'll be there bro

**Chungha:** Can't buddy

**Chungha:** House arrest 😎

**Dongho:** You say it like it's something to be proud of

**Chungha:** Your words can't hurt me

**Chungha:** These shades are Gucci

**Hansol:** This is really cute D-Han

**Hansol:** If you keep on breathing I'll go

**Donghan:** Well I kinda have to breathe to live but okay!!!

**Juho:** Back off you Froggy bitch

**Dongho:** JUHO LANGUAGE

**Juho:** FINE

**Donghan:** Kyungil?

**Donghan:** You're coming right?

**Kyungil:** Sorry little buddy

**Kyungil:** I have to work that certain day that you guys are going

**Kyungil:** I have a thing

**Donghan:** A thing?

**Kyungil:** A meeting

**Kyungil:** Yeah I can't go because I have a meeting

**Dongho:** You could've done better

**Hansol:** For real though 

**Hansol:** What the fuck was that?

**Hansol:** Chungha's not going anyway

**Kyungil:** Shit for real?

**Kyungil:** Oh! Looks like I'm off!

**Chungha:** Fuck you, Asswipe

**Kyungil:** Y'all hear something

**Hansol:** Seulgi? You in?

**Seulgi:** I'm going with my mans

**Wendy:** That's cute

**Wendy:** So am I 

**Wendy:** Just so I can flaunt my boyfriend

**Wendy:** You know cause I'm a desperate whore

**Jihoon:** I am confusion

**Jihoon:** But I hardly call this drama so I don't care

**Takuya:** Oh?

**Takuya:** Is that *Sniffs air* the smell of turmoil in the group?

**Kyulkyung:** I SENSE SOME TEA

**Kyulkyung:** SPILL IT BITCH

**Hansol:** WAIT

**Hansol:** *Grabs popcorn*

**Hansol:** You may continue

**Dongho:** Guys just drop it

**Dongho:** Whatever the hell is going on we don't have time for it 

**Seulgi:** Whatever

**Seulgi:** The only the person you need to be telling that to is your Goody-Goody girlfriend

**Chungha:**

**Kyulkyung:**

**Dongho:** Jesus you guys are immature

**Wendy:** Some more than others

**Wendy:** Seriously? Goody-Goody?

**Wendy:** Is that the best you got Seulgi?

**Juho:** Oh(?)

**Kyungil:** On this day shots were fired

**Takuya:** And everyone died

**Hansol:** I love this Christmas story

**Donghan:** I'm confused

**Juho:** It's okay, so are we

**Chungha:** As you guys know I've been on vacation...

**Hansol:** I think you mean house arrest you felon

**Chungha:** Whatever, Potato-Penis

**Hansol:** I'm sorry

**Hansol:** Potato what?

**Chungha:** As I was saying

**Chungha:** I've been out of the loop for a few days

**Chungha:**

**Chungha:** What's the tea sis?

**Dongho:** Oh my fucking God stop her Kyungil

**Kyungil:** Yeah...no

**Kyungil:** That means I gotta converse with her

**Kyulkyung:** I'M WAITING FOR SOME HOT TEA

**Donghan:** Tea? You guys have tea?!?!?

**Donghan:** Bring me some please!

**Juho:** Oh Hannie, not that kind of tea

**Donghan:** What other tea is there Babe?

**Dongho:** WOAH

**Dongho:** STOP

**Dongho:** "BABE"

**Dongho:**!?!?!?!?!?!?!

**Donghan:** Oh God don't be an overprotective brother

**Donghan:** We've been dating for about a month

**Hansol:** As stated before...WE BEEN KNEW SIS

**Hansol:** LET'S GET BACK TO DRAMA SPILLING

**Hansol:** BUT FIRST 

**Hansol:** KYULKYUNG

**Hansol:** YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE THE MAIN TEA SPILLER/DRAMA STARTER

**Hansol:** HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS 

**Hansol:** THE FUCK ARE WE PAYING YOU FOR?

**Kyulkyung:** I'LL DO BETTER PAPA

**Takuya:** SHUT THE FUCK UP

**Takuya:** Wendy

**Takuya:** Please explain

**Wendy:** Apparently, I'm flaunting the fact that I'm dating the sexy, all-round athlete, good boy Kim Dongho

**Dongho:** Thank you

**Wendy:** And how I can't keep my mouth shut about how big his dick is and how he has the best stroke

**Dongho:**....Thank you?

**Wendy:** Well, according to Seulgi that is

**Kyungil:** Wait a minute

**Kyungil:** Half of us didn't even know you two were dating

**Kyungil:** I personally didn't give a fuckle

**Kyungil:** I don't even think Donghannie had a clue

**Donghan:** Oh, I didn't

**Donghan:** I always thought Dongho would end up alone or with a bitchy cheerleader

**Juho:** Don't forget you thought he was gay

**Donghan:** Oh yeah that too

**Donghan:** But you got Wendy and she's aight I guess

**Chungha:** THAT'S SO SWEET

**Chungha:** I ALMOST FELL OUT MY WINDOW

**Hansol:** DON'T GET OUR HOPES UP LIKE THAT

**Juho:** That doesn't seem bad Wendy

**Juho:** Aren't both of you slightly overreacting?

**Jihoon:** "Slightly"

**Wendy:** Have you seen her snap?

**Juho:** Uh no

**Juho:** I had to delete it because Takuya wouldn't stop sending me nudes to rate for Jihoon

**Takuya:** I'm sorry 

**Juho:** No, you're not

**Takuya:** If it's any consolidation 

**Takuya:** Jihoon really liked the ones you picked

**Takuya:** You have a photographer's eye

**Juho:** Fuck me Jesus

**Wendy:** Have any of you guys seen it recently?

**Jihoon:** Yeah, but I thought she was going off about Jennie again

**Hansol:** Seriously why do you guys hate Jennie

**Chungha:** SHE'S OUT TO GET ME

**Hansol:** GOOD

**Chungha:** AGHHHHHHH

**Chungha:** AND I KNOW SHE'S TRYING TO STEAL MY MAN

**Kyungil:** "My"

**Kyungil:** It's not like that and it's not that deep

**Kyungil:** I dated her sophomore year

**Kyungil:** Do relationships actually count if they didn't happen Junior or Senior year?

**Wendy:** Nope

**Kyungil:** That's what I thought 

**Chungha:** HAVE YOU MET HER?!?!?!?!?

**Kyungil:** May I reiterate

**Kyungil:** I dated her

**Kyungil:** YES I'VE FUCKING MET HER

**Chungha:** When she kills me you guys are going to feel bad

**Wendy:** But anyway, it wasn't about Jennie

**Wendy:** It was about that scrapbook I made Dongho for his birthday

**Jihoon:** That fucking atrocity?

**Wendy:** Fuck you

**Wendy:** Sis was mad because she wasn't in any of the pictures, but everyone else was

**Wendy:** But Sweaty seems to have forgotten that the pictures were from the beach trip

**Wendy:** That one that she bailed out on lat minute and got mad at us for talking about it afterward

**Chungha:** Bitches be mad petty and for what

**Jihoon:** Anywho

**Jihoon:** Who is this "man" she speaks of?

**Kyulkyung:** Word on the street is that she's been getting close with 

**Kyulkyung:** Drum roll please

**Chungha:** FUCK A DRUM ROLL

**Chungha:** GET ON WITH IT

**Donghan:** Is this a situation where I can use "Spill the tea"?

**Juho:** Yes, Hannie you're doing great

**Kyungil:** Tell us Pinky

**Kyulkyung:** Alright alright damn fuck

**Kyulkyung:** People are saying that Seulgi and Kang Daniel are a thing

**Jihoon:** Fuck that lucky bitch

**Jihoon:** Daniel can get that ass ATE BOI

**Takuya:** JIHOON

**Jihoon:** I LOVE YOU

**Jihoon:** BUT DON'T PRETEND THAT YOU WOULDN'T THROW THAT PERKY ASS OF YOURS BACK ON HIM

**Takuya:** OF COURSE I WOULD

**Takuya:** I JUST HAVE THE DECENCY NOT TO SAY IT OUT LOUD

**Juho:** Alright

**Juho:** This conversation is fucked

**Juho:** Hey Donghan, you wanna go get ice cream?

**Donghan:** YESSSSSSSS LET'T GO

**Hansol:** So fucking precious

**Hansol:** Back to the topic of...whatever the fuck you people got going on 

**Hansol:** I'm curious

**Dongho:** About what?

**Hansol:** You're "Amazing Stroke"

**Chungha:** Not as good as Kyungy's

**Kyungil:** Thank you Babe

**Kyulkyung:** Oh shit

**Kyulkyung:** We can't have two Stroke Game Masters

**Kyulkyung:** Can we have a Stroke Off to decide our victor?

**Dongho:**...Wendy why would you do this to me?

**Wendy:** I'm going to the gym to punch something

**Wendy:** Don't talk to me

**Dongho:** Love you too

**Dongho:** Now

**Dongho:** GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP YOU INSTIGATING LONG TITTY BITCHES WE HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW

**Hansol:** Good night father

**Dongho:** SLEEP BITCH

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a tad (Read: VERY) long as compared to the previous one.....Good?Bad?Needs Work?


	3. It's Okay to Be Thirsty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungil: Is this that "Homosexual Agenda" the straights talk about?
> 
> Takuya: Damn fucking straight it is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This writing thing I got going on is hella therapeutic. I highly recommend it. Anywho, it's almost Yijeong's time to shine!

 

**The Thickest Bitches**

**Takuya:** Hansollie

 **Takuya:** We have fantastic news for youuuuuuuuuu

 **Hansol:** "We"?

 **Kyungil:** I'm the other part of that "We"

 **Hansol:** Fuck me Jesus what did you do to ruin my street cred now?

 **Takuya:** No no no no

 **Takuya:** We didn't mess up your street cred this time

 **Kyungil:** Tbh we might've helped your cred with this news

 **Hansol:** Okay...

 **Hansol:** So what is it?

 **Takuya:** I thought you'd never ask 

 **Takuya:** So, you know how you're lonely and depraved of human on human contact?

 **Kyungil:** ^^^

 **Hansol:**.....I guess so?

 **Hansol:** I'm going to regret asking

 **Hansol:** But why?

 **Takuya:** WELL!!!

 **Takuya:** Me and Kyungil have remedied that!

 **Takuya:** Well...mostly Kyungil

 **Kyungil:** You know Yijeong?

 **Hansol:** That emo guy you're always with?

 **Kyungil:** He's actually punk but yeah him

 **Hansol:** Yeah, I know him

 **Hansol:** He's in almost all of my classes

 **Hansol:**....

 **Hansol:** May I dare ask why you're asking?

 **Takuya:** What do you think of him?

 **Hansol:** I mean he's cool

 **Takuya:** Yeah, and?

 **Hansol:** He has amazing music taste

 **Kyungil:** Of course

 **Kyungil:** And?

 **Hansol:** He makes me laugh a lot 

 **Hansol:** What does this has to do with my loneliness and lack of human touch?

 **Hansol:** You better not be thinking what I think you dumb asses are thinking

 **Takuya:** Tell him Kyungil

 **Takuya:** Tell him that what he;s thinks we're thinking is right

 **Kyungil:** If you couldn't tell

 **Kyungil:** We're trying to set you two up

 **Hansol:** Why couldn't you two just have messed with my street cred

 **Hansol:** That would have been so much better

 **Kyungil:** He's not that bad Hansol

 **Hansol:** That's not what I mean

 **Hansol:** Yijeong is fucking gorgeous as holy fucking hell

 **Hansol:** I would suck his toes for fucks sake

 **Hansol:** What I'm trying to say is that why would he date me

 **Hansol:** I'm fucking disgusting compared to him

 **Takuya:** Hansollie you exaggerate to much

**Hansol: ...**

**Kyungil:** Hansol?

 **Kyungil:** DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE

 **Takuya:**????

 **Takuya:** Wait...

 **Takuya:** Oh hell fucking nah Ji Hansol

 **Takuya:** You are not disgusting 

 **Takuya:** You are fucking beautiful inside and out

 **Hansol:** Guys...

 **Kyungil:** Hansol you are an absolute fucking delight to be around

 **Kyungil:** You have an amazing sense of humor and not to mention a fat ass

 **Hansol:** HEY

 **Kyungil:** WELL

 **Kyungil:** What do you want from me?

 **Kyungil:** I'm just a guy

 **Kyungil:** If I had to go gay for anyone it would be you

 **Hansol:** Thank you Kyungil

 **Hansol:** And thank you Takuya

 **Takuya:** Don't even mention it Hansollie

 **Kyungil:** Hansol I think you turned me Bi by accident

 **Kyungil:** Is this that "Homosexual Agenda" the straights talk about?

 **Takuya:** Damn fucking straight it is

 **Hansol:** I'm sorry Kyungil

 **Hansol:** But I lost every ounce of respect for you when you started dating that fucking demon spawn

 **Kyungil:** You;re not the only one mate

 **Kyungil:** She's actually not that bad

 **Hansol:** Shut your mouth

 **Takuya:** ^^^

 **Kyungil:** So

 **Kyungil:** What are you going to do about Yijeong

 **Kyungil:** Because honestly the both of you need to get laid and fast

 **Hansol:** I mean...

 **Hansol:** Oh fuck it all

 **Hansol:** Why the hell not?

 **Takuya:** Are you serious?

 **Takuya:** YES YES YES YES

 **Kyungil:** I'll text him and "talk you up" a bit

 **Takuya:** Tell Yijeong that Hansol is the best

 **Takuya:** He can draw, dance, cook

 **Takuya:**  And suck the cum out of a dick like it's a tube of Gogurt

 **Hansol:** WHAT THE HELL

 **Kyungil:**....

 **Kyungil:** We all have our talents I guess

 **Kyungil:** I can play the cello so

 **Hansol:** Please don't tell him that

 **Kyungil:**...oops

 **Kyungil:** My fingers slipped

 **Hansol:** I-

 **Hansol:** I'm going to bed...forever

 **Hansol:** Good night

 **Kyungil:** I love helping out 

 **Takuya:** Nighty night Hansol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from now on I think I'm just gonna do short and to the point chapters like this one from now on. I think I'm going to save the hefty sized chapters for the more angst filled ones (Which there is a worrying amount of). Just a heads up, there are a few angsty chapters with some funnies thrown in to make it...yeah, but after a while the chapters will get more stupider and more "Slice of Life"!


	4. The Homecoming Whores

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol: Well if Kyungil ran he would have definitely won...Can't say the same for Pablo Escobar
> 
> Chungha: Fuck you 
> 
> Hansol: No thank you 
> 
> Hansol: I'm gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst? Angst

**The Ugly Barnacle (a.k.a. Takuya)**

**Wendy:** Alright bitches come hither

**Jihoon:** The fuck is this shit?

**Jihoon:** Who the fuck is this lame ass Goof?

**Dongho:** Jihoon, is the cursing really necessary?

**Dongho:** Is calling Wendy a Goof really necessary

**Jihoon:** Yes the fuck it is you bitch

**Jihoon:** Any more dumb questions Mr. Valedictorian?

**Dongho:** I fucking hate you bum ass bitches

**Kyulkyung:** What's up 4 for 4?

**Jihoon:** Isn't it that thing at Wendy's?

**Dongho:** But why would you call her-

**Dongho:** Never mind

**Hansol:** This shit better be important because a bitch need to go cry

**Kyulkyung:** Again?

**Dongho:** Hansol you good?

**Hansol:** Don't worry it's just my pre-chemistry exam routine

**Jihoon:** Can't relate

**Hansol:** We all can't be fucking geniuses like you Bitch

**Hansol:** Go eat Takuya's ass

**Jihoon:** I already did

**Wendy:**...

**Wendy:** What I was trying to say before...that interruption...

**Wendy:** IT'S HOMECOMING WEEK BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Hansol:**....yay???

**Kyulkyung:** I thought you were going to spill the tea

**Kyulkyung:** Fuck outta here

**Kyungil:** How 'bout no?

**Juho:** Homecoming Week...That's cute

**Wendy:**

**Wendy:** You guys aren't going to participate, are you?

**Jihoon:** I love it when you actually use your brain

**Jihoon:** Almost makes me cry

**Jihoon:** Almost

**Dongho:** I don't have much of a choice since I'm on the football team

**Hansol:** I don't understand why it's mandatory for us volleyball players to do it

**Hansol:** It's fucking FOOTBALL homecoming!!!

**Juho:** All sports teams have to participate

**Juho:** Even the fucking Spring soccer team

**Juho:** WE HAVEN'T EVEN HAD TRYOUTS YET

**Chungha:** HOMECOMING!?!?!?!?!?!?!

**Chungha:** I FUCKING LOVE HOMECOMING!!!!

**Chungha:** ME AND KYUNGY ARE GOING TO WIN KING AND QUEEN SO FUCKING VOTE FOR US

**Kyungil:** Please don't 

**Hansol:** I gotta stop you right there Sis

**Hansol:** Aren't you still on suspension AND house arrest?

**Chungha:** So what if I am?

**Hansol:** Oh, I don't know...probably the fact that YOU CAN'T RUN YOU FUCKING FELON

**Wendy:** He's right though

**Wendy:** Any students with any outstanding referrals can't run

**Wendy:** And even if you were able to be nominated you'd have to be at the dance to technically win

**Jihoon:** Not like you were going to win

**Jihoon:** Me? I'm nominating Juho

**Juho:** OVER MY DEAD BODY

**Hansol:** Well if Kyungil ran he would have most definitely won...Can't say the same for Pablo Escobar

**Chungha:** Fuck you

**Hansol:** No thank you

**Hansol:** I'm gay

**Chungha:** AGHHHHHHHHHH BITCH

**Donghan:** The Homecoming dance is Friday, right?

**Juho:** Affirmative

**Donghan:** FUCK

**Dongho:** WHAT THE HELL DONGHAN

**Juho:** WHAT WRONG!?!?!

**Donghan:** I have an away game on Friday!!!!!

**Donghan:** Now I can't go with Juho to his last Homecoming

**Juho:** It's okay Hannie

**Juho:** I find it adorable how you assumed I wanted to go

**Juho:** I've never been to any of our Homecoming dances

**Juho:** I rather take you prom

**Donghan:** Oh! Okay Juho!!!!!

**Donghan:** I'm sorry for cursing guys

**Dongho:** It's okay Hannie

**Hansol:** Fucking precious

**Takuya:** So, are you and Wendy running for King and Queen Dongho?

**Dongho:** Are we?

**Wendy:** Yeah

**Wendy:** I put us in

**Dongho:**....

**Dongho:** Do we have to?

**Jihoon:** Wendy you've never rubbed me as the Homecoming Whore type...

**Jihoon:** Is it because Seulgi and Daniel are running?

**Wendy:** Is it because you won't shut your fucking mouth scrub

**Jihoon:** Love you too, mom

**Dongho:** We probably won't win so

**Hansol:** Woah woah woah woah hol' da fuk up

**Juho:** What type of grammar....

**Hansol:** The fuck is you taking about Dongho

**Hansol:** Everyone in the school including the teachers are trying to ride you to the fucking county fair

**Dongho:** To the county what?

**Wendy:** Please never open your mouth again

**Hansol:** Hahahahahahah no

**Dongho:**......Okay I'm going to go do...something that doesn't involve talking to you guys

**Dongho:** Like crystal meth

**Donghan:** Bye!!!

**Dongho:**....

**Wendy:** Anywho

**Wendy:** Seulgi has turned into a bitch and she decided to throw away 10 years worth of friendship for 10 second of fame

**Wendy:** So why shouldn't I be petty?

**Jihoon:** She got us there

**Jihoon:** But I just don't be petty to anyone

**Jihoon:** Oh no I have standards

**Jihoon:** But you're not as classy as me so I can't hold it against you

**Jihoon:** But please go off

**Chungha:** I would've thought that she was just mad at you Wendy

**Chungha:** However, it has come to my attention that she doesn't like none of us

**Chungha:** Even sweet little Donghan

**Juho:** Don't speak my boyfriend's name

**Chungha:** She was popping shit on her snap 

**Takuya:** Didn't she block all of us?

**Chungha:** Yep but my entourage are on the cheer leading team feed me tea on the daily

**Chungha:** And as you guys know

**Chungha:** I love splashing some tea about

**Hansol:** This bitch right here

**Kyulkyung:** She's a bitch but she's in high places

**Chungha:** Let me give a summarized version of what she said

**Chungha:** *Clears Voice*

**Chungha:** Stupid Crusty Dusty Fake Booty Having Liar Cowboy Boots Wearing The Audacity To Breathe Bums Wealth Flaunting Loser Trust Fund Babies

**Kyungil:** Wow

**Kyungil:** She fucking hates you guys

**Takuya:** "Trust fund babies"

**Hansol:** "The audacity"

**Jihoon:** I'm fucking loving this

**Wendy:** Sarcasm?

**Jihoon:** No, I actually love this

**Chungha:** So I'm over this and her

**Chungha:** You think you'd know a hoe 

**Chungha:** And this is what we get?

**Dongho:** I'm back what did I miss?

**Dongho:** My fucking phone is vibrating my left ass cheek like crazy

**Wendy:** Scroll up Baby

**Dongho:** Okay...

**Dongho:**

**Dongho:** When have we ever flaunted our wealth

**Dongho:** Even better question: Why am I entertaining this shit?

**Chungha:** Wait! There's More!!!

**Chungha:** Let's play a game called "Who's Seulgi @-ing"

**Chungha:** First up: "One of these dumb asses had the idea to drop a grand on their boo thang's birthday. I guess daddy gave him his very own black card"

**Takuya:** I think she's @-ing you Ju!

**Juho:** What do you mean?

**Takuya:** Seriously, who else could it be?

**Juho:**

**Juho:** Fuck

**Wendy:** Oh my God is she serious?!?!!?

**Juho:** For her information my dad got me a gold card

**Juho:** And who the fuck still says "Boo thang"??

**Takuya:** FUCK

**Kyungil:** I love clap back season

**Hansol:** My favorite right after autumn

**Chungha:** Second up: "Parents buy him an expensive car for doing absolutely nothing and decides to let his boyfriend drive it the same way he drives their relationship"

**Jihoon:** Ooooooh wait I think I found me and Kuya

**Jihoon:** I'M ACTUALLY WEAK

**Jihoon:** SHE ACTUALLY PUT WHAT I COULDN'T INTO WORDS

**Takuya:** "The same way he drive their relationship"

**Takuya:** This bitch is mad dumb

**Chungha:** You guys will never guess this one: "That bitch ass whore Wendy somehow got THE DONGHO to date her. Probably because he saw the desperation in her. He would have been better off with literally anyone else but apparently he also has low standards. Go figure."

**Dongho:** I have low standards? Compare mine to Kang Daniel's

**Kyungil:** Oh shit

**Hansol:** FUCKY FUCKY

**Chungha:** This one is my favorite: "I only liked the young but after some time I realized that the innocent shit he has going on is probably a front because it's no way in hell he doesn't throw that ass back on his boyfriend with the way he looks. Probably a whore in disguise like his brother's girlfriend"

**Donghan:** Is this me?

**Hansol:** OH NO THE BABY SAW

**Dongho:** FUCK SHIT DON't CRY HANNIE

**Donghan:**

**Juho:** Baby you okay?

**Donghan:**

**Donghan:** Should I feel offended because I don't

**Donghan:** Honestly, Wendy should feel offended

**Donghan:** But this bitch got a whole lot to say about my man and what me and him get up to

**Hansol:**

**Hansol:** Wow

**Hansol:** So much respect Donghannie

**Kyungil:** Hannie snapped

**Dongho:** Han, please stop hanging out with Jihoon

**Chungha:** Yo!!!!!

**Takuya:** What?

**Chungha:** I remembered that she had the biggest crush on Juho for like ever

**Chungha:** But of course her housewife dreams were crushed when Juho found out he like penis

**Takuya:** Yeah, that bout sums it up

**Takuya:** Good job Chungha

**Chungha:** Thanks random co-worker

**Kyulkyung:** Hey! She didn't do me

**Hansol:** She didn't do me or Kyungil either

**Hansol:** So what I'm trying to say is suck it the fuck up

**Donghan:** Bitch MUST be hurt that I had Juho's dick in my mouth instead of her's

**Dongho:** STOP

**Dongho:** I DON'T WANNA HEAR MY LITTLE BROTHER TALK ABOUT A PENIS BEING IN HIS MOUTH

**Jihoon:** I LOVE THIS DONGHAN

**Hansol:** CAN THIS DONGHAN STAY AND PLAY WITH US 

**Dongho:** FUCK NO

**Dongho:** DONGHAN 

**Dongho:** GO DO SOMETHING THAT'S NOT HERE

**Dongho:** NOW

**Donghan:** Okay big brother

**Dongho:** Holy fucking shit cakes

**Juho:**...Did he just...What the fuckles

**Jihoon:**

**Jihoon:** So....

**Jihoon:**....You guys were fucking

**Dongho:** STOP

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit fam I really don't know either


	5. It's Not A Successful Day Unless A Couple Breaks Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chungha: I love our soft gay Jesus Donghan
> 
> Hansol: "Soft"
> 
> Hansol: Donghan can bench press 180
> 
> Chungha: What a man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was..was something else oh boy.......HOWEVER! This chapter is the last ANGSTY ANGSTY chapter. Like shit is going to go off the fucking walls and shit. Seriously, I must have been going through it sis....

**The Thickest Bitches**

**Takuya:** Sooooooooooooo

**Kyungil:** Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Hansol:**

**Hansol:** What the fuck is wrong with you two?

**Takuya:** WE'RE CURIOUS STUPID

**Kyungil:** What he said

**Takuya:** Now...

**Takuya:** GIVE US THE FUCKING RUN DOWN BITCH

**Kyungil:** How did it go?

**Takuya:** What did you do?

**Takuya:** Did you blow him?

**Kyungil:** Did you throw that ass back on him?

**Hansol:** We went to get frozen yogurt and then we went back to his house

**Hansol:** Before you ask Kyungil

**Hansol:** No, nothing happened

**Hansol:** I sense you cackling

**Kyungil:** You right

**Takuya:** How was it? Did he take your breath away?

**Hansol:** Yes, he did!!!!!!!!! 

**Hansol:** He's so funny and God when he does that smirk........

**Hansol:** Kyungil, why are all your so hot?

**Kyungil:** I don't hang with basics

**Hansol:** That's funny

**Hansol:** I swear you go out with Kim Chungha...

**Kyungil:** Anywho

**Kyungil:** Apparently you're not the only one who had a great time last night

**Hansol:** HE SAID HE HAD A GREAT TIME!!!!

**Hansol:** I DON'T CARE ANYMORE 

**Hansol:** I WANT HIM TO EAT MY ASS!!!

**Hansol:** AND THAT'S THE TEA SIS

**Kyungil:** Yeah

**Kyungil:** I'm totally gonna screenshot this and send it to him

**Hansol:** I will kill you and myself and that will be the end of it

**Takuya:** I don't he's joking Kyungil

**Kyungil:** Okay okay okay

**Kyungil:** I won't text him

**Hansol:** Thank God

**Kyungil:** But what if I told you that he was reading the conversation over my shoulder?

**Hansol:** He'S THERE?!!??!?!?!

**Hansol:** Wait

**Hansol:** You're bluffing

**Kyungil:** No he's not cutie - Yijeong

**Hansol:**........

**Takuya:** I think he's dead

**Hansol:**....

**Kyungil:** Hansol?

**Hansol:**........

**Hansol:** FUCK

**Kyungil:** We like to have fun

**Takuya:** Yeah we do

**Takuya:** Maybe you should add him to the group chat

**Kyungil:** That might just be a great idea Takuya

**Hansol:** NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

* * *

  **The Ugly Barnacle (a.k.a. Takuya)**

**Chungha:** ATTENTION!!!!!

**Chungha:** I need you Stupids to settle a debate between me and Dumb Dick 

**Dongho:** Hansol?

**Chungha:** No

**Chungha:** Hansol is "Potato Penis"

**Chungha:** Kyungil is Dumb Dick

**Dongho:** I'll make sure to write that down so I won't forget

**Kyungil:** I thought I was Big Dick

**Chungha:** No

**Chungha:** Kyulkyung is Big Dick

**Kyulkyung:** Finally! Somebody finally recognizes my big dick energy

**Wendy:** What are you guys arguing about?

**Chungha:** That's a great question Young Wendy

**Wendy:** Bitch I'm older than you

**Chungha:** Age is nothing but number created to make elder people feel like they're actually people

**Juho:** Bitch wha?

**Chungha:** ANYWAY

**Chungha:** Who would win a fist fight- Wendy or Seulgi?

**Chungha:** Only truthful and non-biased answers will be accepted

**Wendy:**...

**Dongho:** Why can't this die?

**Wendy:** I don't know who would win

**Wendy:** However, Chungha stand outside of your house so we can find out

**Chungha:** Sorry

**Wendy:** No, you're not

**Chungha:** I know

**Kyungil:** Well

**Kyungil:** In all honestly

**Kyungil:** Seulgi would dust Wendy

**Kyungil:** Seulgi is hella stacked in the muscle department and bigger than Wendy

**Juho:** Woah woah 

**Juho:** Muscle mass don't mean shit

**Juho:** The bigger you are the harder you fall

**Juho:** Mingyu found that out the hard way

**Juho:** Didn't he Jihoon

**Jihoon:** I mean

**Jihoon:** He was popping a lot of shit about my mans

**Jihoon:** So

**Jihoon:** I popped that bitch in the mouth

**Jihoon:** After I fractued his knee

**Dongho:** How are you not in jail and/or on probation

**Jihoon:** I'm always innocent

**Takuya:** It's called the perks of having your uncle on the police force

**Jihoon:** That too

**Donghan:** Nobody will win duh

**Kyungil:** A draw?

**Kyungil:** Yeah I can see it

**Kyungil:** Wendy and Seulgi are both some non-fighting goody two-shoes

**Wendy:** Well talk about me like I'm not in the chat

**Donghan:** No no no no

**Donghan:** Wendy is too smart to risk her record by fighting Seulgi

**Kyungil:** Which leads back to my earlier statement: A Goody Two-Shoes

**Dongho:** THIS

**Donghan:** Seulgi however

**Donghan:** Is one scary ass bitch who relies on snaps and whatever else instead of just saying this shit to our face

**Dongho:** He started off so good

**Chungha:** I love our soft gay Jesus Donghan

**Hansol:** "Soft"

**Hansol:** Donghan can bench press 180

**Chungha:** What a man

**Donghan:** Sorry but I'm gay

**Jihoon:** Glad you realized pussy ain't all that

**Kyungil:** I disagree

**Chungha:** Damn

**Chungha:** Am I that good?

**Kyungil:** I was actually talking about Jennie but you're a close second

**Hansol:** SHE ACTUALLY LEFT THE CHAT

**Hansol:** THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER

**Wendy:** That was a low blow Kyungil

**Kyulkyung:** Oh boy

**Kyulkyung:** I think she's really upset

**Kyulkyung:** I'll try to calm her down

**Wendy:** Kyungil go apologize to her

**Kyungil:** Yeah yeah I know

**Kyungil:** I'm a terrible boyfriend

**Wendy:** I'm gonna pretend like that entire text was not in the slightest sarcastic

**Kyungil:** That's seriously for the best

**Hansol:** She's so extra

**Hansol:** It was just a joke

**Kyulkyung:** That's not the point Dumb ass

**Kyulkyung:** Jennie is a sore topic for her

**Kyulkyung:** If you were a decent friend you would know that

**Hansol:** I'm not a decent friend?

**Hansol:** Okay

**Hansol:** It's not my fault that Chungha feels inferior to Jennie

**Kyulkyung:** The way you treat her is uncalled for

**Hansol:** THE WAY I TREAT HER?!?!?!?!

**Dongho:** Please let's not do this

**Jihoon:** This actually might get out of hand

**Kyulkyung:** You literally do the most to make her feel like shit

**Kyulkyung:** And that makes you literally a piece of shit

**Kyungil:** What the fuck Pinky

**Takuya:** Woah woah woah woah

**Takuya:** Listen to Dongho and let's calm down

**Juho:** For fucks sake just stop both of you 

**Wendy:** She does kinda have a point Hansol

**Hansol:** Oh yeah totally Wendy

**Hansol:** Chungha never starts anything with anyone

**Hansol:** The fucking pinnacle of innocence

**Hansol:** SHE PRACTICALLY WALKS AROUND WITH A HALO OVER HER HEAD

**Kyulkyung:** You're such a dick Hansol

**Hansol:** Do you even hear yourself Kyulkyung

**Hansol:** Chungha is NOT a victim

**Hansol:** So just stop trying to make her out to be one

**Kyulkyung:** She's sensitive and insecure about her relationship with Kyungil

**Hansol:** Okay?

**Hansol:** It was a joke

**Hansol:** You act like Chungha never brings up her relationship with Jaebum to get a rise out of Kyungil

**Kyulkyung:** That's not the point

**Hansol:** Then what is?

**Kyulkyung:** Kyungil's not insecure

**Kyulkyung:** Believe it or not Chungha thinks that she doesn't deserve him

**Hansol:** Well guess what?

**Hansol:** She doesn't deserve him

**Juho:** Hansol don't even bring that shit up

**Juho:** It's not even worth it 

**Juho:** Just stop and go calm down

**Hansol:** Fine

**Hansol:** I would stoop so low as to even bring that up

**Hansol:** However

**Hansol:** I'll go calm down when I finish saying what I have to say

**Hansol:** No offense Ju

**Juho:** It's fine

**Juho:** Just don't go overboard

**Kyulkyung:** Finish what you have to say? For what?

**Kyulkyung:** You have no point

**Kyulkyung:** You just like starting stuff

**Hansol:** You don't know shit

**Hansol:** Chungha did me so fucking dirty freshmen year that I honestly can't comprehend why I still deal with her

**Hansol:** I have a reason to not be nice to her or even tolerate her

**Hansol:** I only do it because she's my best friend's girlfriend

**Kyulkyung:** Did you really say she did you dirty?

**Kyulkyung:** What does that mean?

**Kyulkyung:** You wanted her but to nobody's surprise she rejected you?

**Takuya:** Kyulkyung stop it now

**Kyulkyung:** Is that why?

**Kyulkyung:** You really must be hurt

**Kyungil:** Yo back off of him Kyulkyung

**Kyulkyung:** No, I will not

**Dongho:** KYULKYUNG SHUT THE HELL UP

**Dongho:** YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT

**Dongho:** YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WENT DOWN FRESHMAN YEAR

**Dongho:** BOTH OF YOU STOP

**Wendy:** Calm down Dongho

**Dongho:** Don't Wendy

**Dongho:** I'm tired

**Dongho:** Kyulkyung will apologize to Hansol

**Dongho:** And Hansol will apologize to Kyulkyung

**Kyulkyung:**

**Kyulkyung:** I'm sorry

**Hansol:** It doesn't even matter anymore

**Hansol:** I'm done

**Wendy:** What about Chungha?

**Dongho:** To be honest

**Dongho:** I couldn't give a flying fuck right now

**Juho:** Damn

**Juho:** I'm glad Donghan left before he could witness this cluster fuck 

**Takuya:** I'm going to check on Hansol

**Takuya:** I'm worried about him

**Takuya:** Kyungil

**Takuya:** Is Chungha good?

**Kyungil:** She's mad at me

**Kyungil:** I don't really care 

**Kyungil:** She'll get over it

**Takuya:** I'm heading over to Hansol's

**Kyungil:** K be there in 10 minutes

**Jihoon:** Give Hansol a BIg Ol Daddy Smack on the ass for me

**Takuya:** Will do????

**Jihoon:** Yeah 

**Jihoon:** You will

**Juho:** God I love my drama free boyfriend

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was more angst and seriousness than funnies and haha's But it gets better. I swear


	6. Oh! How The Tables Have Turned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chungha: Shut the fuck up Pinky
> 
> Chungha: You've never had a boyfriend
> 
> Chungha: You don't understand
> 
> Kyulkyung: Wow I'm certainly seeing why Kyungil would drop you like Hot Pocket
> 
> Kyulkyung: Did anybody tell you that you're a bitch because you are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The (relative) calm after the storm!! There's not many Haha's in this one but the rest of the chapters will be less drama filled (But still very drama filled) and less sad. What can I say? Yeet

**Cloak & Dagger**

**Kyulkyung:** I'm sorry 

**Kyulkyung:** For letting my emotions get the better of me last night

**Dongho:** You don't have to apologize to me

**Dongho:** You already apologized to Hansol

**Dongho:** Let's just move on

**Kyulkyung:** I can't

**Kyulkyung:** He won't except it and he won't answer any of my texts or calls

**Kyulkyung:** I feel like such a dick

**Kyulkyung:** He didn't deserve any of that

**Dongho:** Um

**Dongho:** You think?

**Kyulkyung:** I was just trying to protect my friend

**Kyulkyung:** But as I said 

**Kyulkyung:** I went overboard

**Dongho:** Just a tad bit

**Kyulkyung:** Please 

**Kyulkyung:** I need your help

**Dongho:** There's nothing I can do or say

**Dongho:** He wants some alone time

**Dongho:** He's trying to put himself in a good place before coming back to us and the chat

**Dongho:** Try to give him some time

**Kyulkyung:** He'll only talk to you right?

**Dongho:** I guess so

**Kyulkyung:** I saw him the hallway with that senior guy

**Kyulkyung:** Yijeong I think his name was

**Kyulkyung:** Tell him that they look cute together

**Dongho:** Sure thing

**Dongho:** And before you ask 

**Dongho:** I can't tell you what went down between Hansol and Chungha freshmen year

**Dongho:** It's not my story to tell

**Kyulkyung:** I understand

**Kyulkyung:** But please tell Hansol that I'm really really really sorry

**Dongho:** Don't worry

**Dongho:** I will

* * *

**Beyonce & I Guess Jay-Z**

**Chungha:** I don't wanna hear it

**Chungha:** Leave me alone you sentient tree

**Kyungil:** Yeah

**Kyungil:** No

**Kyungil:** You still mad?

**Chungha:** Guess?

**Kyungil:** To be quite honest I don't care

**Chungha:** Fuck you

**Kyungil:** Hurts doesn't it?

**Kyungil:** What I said doesn't make you feel too good?

**Chungha:** What are you getting at?

**Chungha:** Right now, you're just being mean

**Kyungil:** I repeat

**Kyungil:** What I said doesn't make you feel too good

**Chungha:** YEAH IT KINDA DID

**Chungha:** YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU AND JENNIE

**Chungha:** AND THEN YOU GO AND SAY SOME FUCKING SHIT LIKE THAT

**Kyungil:** It was a joke

**Kyungil:** We all know that after dating me Jennie strictly starting dating girls

**Kyungil:** However, I'm not sorry that you took offense 

**Chungha:** STOP IT

**Kyungil:** But every time we have a slight disagreement or when I don't comply to your every will and way

**Kyungil:** YOU BRING UP FUCKING JAEBUM

**Chungha:** I'm sorry but you know I'm insecure about our relationship

**Kyungil:** Are you sure about that?

**Kyungil:** You have the nerve to act like I'm the absolute worst and how you're innocent

**Kyungil:** BUT I WASN'T THE ONE WHO CHEATED NOW WAS I!?!?!??!??!?!

**Chungha:** Fuck you fuck you fuck you

**Chungha:** I hate you

**Chungha:** I never want to see you again

**Kyungil:** You're finally one step ahead of me

* * *

** The Prince & The Frog**

**Kyungil:** Yo

**Hansol:** Sup  


**Kyungil:** U good?  


**Hansol:** I'm not gonna kill myself if that's what you're asking  


**Kyungil:** That's exactly what I'm asking  


**Hansol:** I'm fine  


**Kyungil:** Hansol  


**Kyungil:** That's what you said last time  


**Kyungil:** And we all know what happened next  


**Hansol:**   


**Hansol:** Let me reword that  


**Hansol:** It's not bothering me really  


**Hansol:** I have things to put my focus on to keep me from losing shit  


**Kyungil:** Do you want to talk about what Kyulkyung said?  


**Hansol:** I already talked about it with Dongho  


**Hansol:** Yijeong's been harassing me about telling him what happen with me and Chungha  


**Hansol:** So i finally told him  


**Hansol:** Everything  


**Kyungil:** Woah really?

**Kyungil:** The whole "Chungha purposely outed you to the entire school freshmen year"?  


**Kyungil:** You must feel really comfortable with him  


**Kyungil:** I'm genuinely happy for you Hansol  


**Kyungil:** You deserve this  


**Hansol:** Thank you   


**Hansol:** Now that we're together now, Yijeong's turn his over protectiveness to fucking max  


**Hansol:** He literally won't let me out of his sights  


**Hansol:** But not gonna lie  


**Hansol:** I dig it

**Kyungil:** Where you at?  


******Hansol:** I'm in his room  


**Kyungil:** Word?  


**Hansol:** Get your head out of your ass Kyungil  


**Hansol:** We're actually studying  


**Kyungil:** Yeah that statement was totally believable but please go on  


**Hansol:** God he's so emo  


**Hansol:** I think I wanna marry him Kyungil  


**Kyungil:** I can legally wed y'all  


**Hansol:**???  


**Kyungil:** Me, Jihoon, and Takuya got certified for our "Friendship Anniversary"   


**Hansol:** I'm actually weak  


**Kyungil:** Is Yijeong in the room?  


**Hansol:** Yeah he's beside me  


**Hansol:** Neck deep in calculus book  


**Hansol:** Why?  


**Kyungil:** Tell him that I said take care of you  


**Kyungil:** But you gotta say that in a sultry tone  


**Hansol:**   


**Hansol:** I'm sorry what?

**Kyungil:** You'll thank me later  


**Kyungil:** Tell him  


**Hansol:** Okay?  


**Kyungil:** What was his reaction  


**Hansol:** He didn't do anything   


**Hansol:** He didn't even look at me  


**Hansol:** He just told me to delete your number and prepare to lose one of my nine lives  


**Hansol:** What the fuck those that mean and what did I just get myself into?

**Kyungil:** I think you meant to say you're welcome  


**Hansol:** You're so stupid  


**Hansol:** How are you and Chungha  


**Kyungil:** There is no me and Chungha  


**Kyungil:** Not anymore  


**Hansol:** Are you okay?  


**Kyungil:** Never better  


**Hansol:** It's my fault isn't it?

**Kyungil:** It's been coming for a while  


**Kyungil:** I've never thought of myself as a relationship man  


**Kyungil:** This just proves it

**Hansol:**   


**Hansol:** I mean you and Jennie broke up she did sort of maybe kinda converted to be strictly lesbian

**Hansol:** But there's probably no correlation between them 

**Kyungil:** Ugh I just don't wanna go back and face the guys back in the group  


**Hansol:** I'll go if you go  


**Kyungil:** Thank you Hansol  


**Kyungil:** You really are something special  


**Hansol:** That was so gay  


**Kyungil:** That's the point stupid  


* * *

** Destiny's Child But Wig-less **   


**Wendy:** So he broke up with you

**Chungha:** As stated five times before  


**Chungha:** Yeah he did  


**Kyulkyung:** Maybe it's for the best Chungha

**Kyulkyung:** You guys were the most toxic couple that ever existed  


**Chungha:** Shut the hell up Pinky   


**Chungha:** You've never had a boyfriend  


**Chungha:** You don't understand  


**Kyulkyung:** Wow  


**Kyulkyung:** I'm certainly seeing why Kyungil would drop you like a Hot Pocket  


**Kyulkyung:** Has anybody told you that you were a bitch?  


**Kyulkyung:** Because you are  


**Chungha:** Aren't the fucking pot calling the kettle black  


**Chungha:** What happened with you and Hansol last night huh?  


**Chungha:** If I'm a bitch then what are you  


**Chungha:** At least I owe up to it and not pretend that I'm an angel  


**Wendy:** You guys!!!  


**Wendy:** Why are we fighting each other!?!?!?!?

**Wendy:** Does 10+ years of friendship mean nothing to y'all?  


**Wendy:** We already lost Seulgi to some dumb shit and believe it or not I actually miss her. I was really upset that she felt that we wanted to exclude her! Instead of talking things out with her I let my feelings and pride get the best of me and I can admit that I still have every picture and every text that we shared because at the end of the day she's still my friend!  


**Wendy:** That will NOT happen to the rest of us!!! I fucking swear I'll kill you bitches! Do you understand?  


**Wendy:** All of us will go apologize to to Hansol  


**Wendy:** And Chungha will be tolerant of Kyungil and/or ignore him  


**Wendy:** I don't want no more fucking drama  


**Wendy:** Got it?  


**Kyulkyung:** Got it!!!!  


**Chungha:** I'll try   


  


  


  


  


   


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it this far: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! You made it past a questionable amount of drama and angst! It's nothing but shits and giggles from here on!


	7. We Stan Ji Hansol In This House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol: Things are finally falling back into place
> 
> Dongho: I wanna boonk gang your life so bad
> 
> Hansol: Please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically nothing but rich kids doing rich things. It be like that sometimes.

 

** Mickey Mouse Clubhouse but Takuya is  ** ** Goofy **

**Jihoon:** I wonder if kids will learn about WWIII in history class?

**Dongho:** WWIII?

**Dongho:** I feel like if you explain to me what you're talking about I'll yell at you

**Dongho:** And best believe I'm tired of yelling

**Jihoon:** I highly doubt that

**Dongho:** You're right

**Dongho:** I love it

**Takuya:** Dongho are you a sadist?

**Donghan:** What's a sadist, Ju?

**Juho:** Nothing Baby eat your Fruit Roll-Up

**Dongho:** WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT

**Jihoon:** Well are you?

**Jihoon:** And don't give me a "Mature Gentlemanly" answer or I'll misplace your Benz

**Dongho:** What do you mean by "Misplace my Benz"

**Juho:** He doesn't know about the key box

**Juho:** How does he not know about the key box?

**Dongho:** Key box?

**Dongho:** What the hell is that Jihoon

**Jihoon:** I gotta copy of everyone's car keys

**Jihoon:** I say it's for emergencies for when you guys lose your main key

**Jihoon:** But lowkey it's really just for me to drive your cars when you guys aren't in town

**Dongho:** WHAT!?!?!?!?!

**Dongho:** Is that why my gas is always low??????

**Dongho:** Wait a minute isn't your better than all of ours??

**Dongho:** YOU DRIVE A FUCKING ASTON MARTIN!!!!!

**Jihoon:** And your point?

**Dongho:** Does nobody else have a problem with this???

**Dongho:** Is it seriously just me?

**Juho:** It's not like I paid for my car anyway

**Takuya:** I don't mind

**Dongho:** Of course you don't mind!!!!! You're fucking him!!!!!

**Takuya:** You got me there

**Takuya:** Jihoon can ride in the Lamborghini as long as he rides this dick

**Dongho:** I literally cannot

**Dongho:** I thought this week was gonna be productive and drama free, but the Gods just continue to fuck me in the ass and not offer to pay for dinner

**Takuya:**...

**Jihoon:**...

**Jihoon:** You must be going through it Sis

**Dongho:** I mean

**Dongho:** Kinda

**Dongho:** Everything I ever cherished is slowly falling apart

**Dongho:** But other than that, everything is good

**Wendy:** Are you guys tired of it because I am

**Jihoon:**

**Takuya:**

**Dongho:** Please guys

**Jihoon:** Whatever do you mean good friend Dongho?

**Takuya:** ^^^

**Wendy:** What?

**Wendy:** Are you guys ignoring me?

**Jihoon:** Anyway

**Jihoon:** The reason why I like to borrow your whip is because I don't like using my own gas

**Dongho:**

**Dongho:** There's two things wrong with that statement

**Dongho:** One: To borrow something you first have to actually ask the owner

**Dongho:** And two: When has getting gas ever been a problem for you??

**Dongho:** For anyone of us at that?!?!

**Dongho:** We're all essentially spoiled rich kids

**Wendy:**

**Wendy:** So you guys really just gonna ignore me or?

**Jihoon:** I just don't feel like pumping that shit myself

**Dongho:** Okay but you have a whole boyfriend to do it for you

**Wendy:** Dongho

**Jihoon:** Maybe I like Takuya's car better than mine

**Dongho:** You have one of the best cars in the group!!!!!!

**Dongho:** Next to Juho and Hansol of course

**Dongho:** But may I reiterate: YOU HAVE A FUCKING ASTON MARTIN!!!!!!!

**Wendy:** Dong fucking Ho

**Jihoon:** And Juho has a Bugatti

**Jihoon:** I wouldn't mind putting gas in that

**Juho:** Yeah now that you mention in Dongho

**Juho:** I'm hella low on gas

**Juho:** Jihoon what the hell

**Juho:** If your going to use my car you could at least put 5 fucking dollars in the tank

**Wendy:** DONGHO WILL YOU PLEASE ANSWER ME FUCK

**Dongho:** Sorry Wendy

**Dongho:** I'm trying to understand the shit that's behind's Jihoon's reasoning but I will never

**Jihoon:** The inner mechanisms of my mind are an enigma

**Takuya:** *Carton of milk falls over*

**Dongho:** Fuck

**Dongho:** You guys know I have a soft spot for Spongebob memes

**Wendy:** Jihoon

**Wendy:** Takuya

**Wendy:** Why are you ignoring me?

**Jihoon:** Well Dongho

**Dongho:** But I didn't say anything

**Jihoon:** Don't interrupt

**Jihoon:** The audacity of this hoe

**Dongho:** Bitch-

**Jihoon:** ANYWHO

**Jihoon:** Right on the list of "Wrongs That Need To Be Righted" it seems like APOLOGIZING TO JI HANSOL has yet to be done

**Jihoon:** And that's a problem

**Jihoon:** Right Takuya?

**Takuya:** Affirmative

**Jihoon:** Thought so

**Wendy:** Hansol has the right to be mad at me and I will apologize to him and Kyungil

**Wendy:** He won't answer my texts or calls but I see him all the time at school, but he's with Yijeong and he looks happy and I don't want to ruin his mood

**Wendy:** So when the time is right and he wants to listen I'll apologize

**Hansol:** Oh, so that's why you stare at me at lunch in five minute long increments?

**Takuya:** HANSOLLIE

**Jihoon:** Sis is finally back from her spa trip

**Hansol:** You know it

**Dongho:** Hansol

**Dongho:** Are you sure you wanna come back so soon

**Hansol:** It's been a week and I thought about my actions and I plan on apologizing

**Wendy:** Before you say anything else

**Wendy:** I'm sorry Hansol for the way I treated you

**Hansol:** It's okay Wendy I'm fine

**Hansol:** I just needed some time to myself

**Hansol:** I was never holding grudges against you and Kyulkyung

**Hansol:** So let's squash this mess kay?

**Takuya:** You seem to be in a good mood

**Jihoon:** Is Yijeong putting it down good?

**Hansol:** Come on JI

**Hansol:** I've been back less than five minutes

**Jihoon:** Come on

**Jihoon:** Did he eat the ass or nah?

**Hansol:** I mean

**Hansol:** I haven't been driving the Koenigsegg

**Jihoon:**???

**Hansol:** I had to get the seats clean

**Jihoon:** ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?

**Jihoon:** HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MANAGE TO DO IT IN THERE?!?!?!?!?

**Jihoon:** IT'S A FUCKING TWO SEATER

**Hansol:** I've been a gymnast for 13 years

**Hansol:** Maneuvering in tight spots aren't a problem for me

**Jihoon:** YASS QUEEN

**Dongho:** Not gonna lie

**Dongho:** Just got a vivid picture in my head of this happening

**Dongho:** And I can't say I don't like it

**Dongho:** There I said it

**Wendy:**

**Wendy:** So

**Wendy:** When's Kyungil coming back to us?

**Wendy:** We also need to apologize to him

**Wendy:** Us girls jumped on him like he was nothing

**Kyungil:** It's fine

**Kyungil:** You were defending your friend

**Kyungil:** I was doing the same thing

**Kyungil:** But it's all good in my hood

**Wendy:** But still

**Wendy:** We were all being stupid

**Juho:** No fucking doubt about that

**Donghan:** I'm glad you guys are making up

**Donghan:** I miss hanging out with you guys

**Donghan:** I get lonely at lunch when Ju has away games 

**Hansol:** DONGHANNIE I'M SO SORRY

**Hansol:** I'VE BEEN GOING TO LUNCH WITH YIJEONG AND I FORGOT

**Hansol:** I'LL NEVER LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN

**Kyungil:** The baby was upset and nobody told me???

**Dongho:** Did you even come to school this week?

**Kyungil:** Negative

**Kyungil:** I reconciled with Chungha

**Wendy:** Woah seriously?!?!??!!?

**Kyungil:** We're still broken up if that's what you're getting at

**Kyungil:** But at least she's talking to me

**Hansol:** Things are finally falling back into place

**Dongho:** I wanna boonk gang your life so bad

**Hansol:** Please

**Jihoon:** Since we're a happy family again

**Jihoon:** Let's celebrate by going on that trip to who the hell knows that we've been planning since the end of summer but was out on hold because bitches can't stop wilin' but best believe they can get popped

**Takuya:** Shit I'm down

**Dongho:** This is your first idea that didn't involve anyone getting shanked or you dragging bitches

**Juho:** But didn't he just....?

**Dongho:** I'm so proud of you

**Juho:** No, seriously

**Dongho:** I'M SO FUCKING PROUD OF HIM 

**Dongho:** CAN YOU LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING JU

**Wendy:** YES!

**Wendy:** Let's do it! We need this?

**Dongho:** This might be good for us

**Dongho:** All NINE of us

**Hansol:** Wait a minute

**Hansol:** Did I count wrong?

**Dongho:** Nope

**Hansol:** Oh

**Hansol:** So Chungha's going?

**Kyungil:** No

**Kyungil:** House arrest remember?

**Hansol:** So Dongho did count wrong

**Dongho:** Nope

**Hansol:** No, I think you did

**Dongho:** It's a cabin that can fit ten people

**Hansol:** Okay...Are you guys asking somebody else

**Takuya:** Nope 

**Takuya:** But you are

**Juho:** Yeah Hansol

**Juho:** Isn't there someone you'd like to invite

**Jihoon:** *Wiggles Eyebrows*

**Hansol:** Yo guys are fucking stupid

**Wendy:** Invite Yijeong, Hansol

**Wendy:** We would like to officially greet your boyfriend

**Hansol:** Who said he was my boyfriend

**Hansol:** For all we know, we could just be really good friends

**Jihoon:** Friends that fuck in your car???

**Hansol:** Isn't that how you and Takuya started?

**Jihoon:** Yeah and?

**Dongho:** Dumb ass

**Dongho:** You just admitted to dating Yijeong

**Hansol:** No I didn't

**Juho:** Yeah you did Chief

**Kyungil:** Congratulations

**Kyungil:** You played yourself

**Hansol:** Fuck you guys

**Hansol:** I'm going to go suck a dick

**Kyungil:** Yijeong's I presume?

**Hansol:** Eat my ass


	8. A High Maintenance Gang Initiation Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghan: Jihoon kink shamed me yesterday
> 
> Jihoon: I kink shame you guys out of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! A chapter full of nothing but funnies and random tomfoolery! And a new member of the crew may or may not be finally making an actual appearance...

  **Bottoms That Are On Top**

 **Jihoon:** Hansollie did you ask your daddy to come??

 **Hansol:** Am I getting kink shamed???

 **Hansol:** Because I think I am

 **Donghan:** It's okay Hansol

 **Donghan:** Jihoon kink shamed me yesterday when Ju called my Baby Boi

 **Jihoon:** I kink shame you guys out of love

 **Donghan:** Really!?!?

 **Donghan:** I love you too Jihoon!!!!

 **Jihoon:** Anywho

 **Jihoon:** Did you ask him or nah?

 **Hansol:** I did

 **Hansol:** He said he;s coming and that he would LOVE to meet my friends

 **Hansol:** God I hate how sociable he is

 **Donghan:** YAY!!!!

 **Donghan:** Isn't he you first boyfriend

 **Donghan:** This is so exciting!!! I'm so happy for you

 **Hansol:** Thank you Hannie

 **Hansol:** Yijeong made my gay heart do flips

 **Jihoon:** That's not the only part of you that did flips

 **Hansol:** Was that supposed to be a reference to my dick?

 **Hansol:** If so it was a bad one

 **Hansol:** Plus we have a child here

 **Donghan:** Stop

 **Donghan:** I'm only one year apart from you guys

 **Donghan:** And I probably fucked more than you two combined

 **Hansol:** OH MY GOD

 **Jihoon:** FUCK

 **Jihoon:** HE SNAPPED

 **Hansol:** I'm so shook right now

 **Jihoon:** So it sounds like you and Juho like to get busy Donghan

 **Donghan:** I mean he's hot and has a big dick

 **Donghan:** What am I supposed to do?

 **Donghan:** Not do him?

 **Donghan:** Not likely

 **Hansol:** What happened to my child?!?!?!?!

 **Jihoon:** Oh RIgh

 **Jihoon:** You've rarely been around just me and Donghan

 **Jihoon:** This is how he acts when his brother's not around

 **Donghan:** Yeah 

 **Donghan:** If Dongho heard me talking like that he'd throw a cleat at me

 **Hansol:** But you used to be so shy Donghan

 **Hansol:** And I've never heard you say dick or reference to you and Ju's sex life

 **Hansol:** I need a weed to process this shit

 **Hansol:** But when did you and Jihoon become so chummy?

 **Donghan:** Well

 **Donghan:** Around when I first started high school I wanted to be confident and carefree like Jihoon was

 **Hansol:** I'm pretty sure you egotistical and narcissistic like Jihoon

 **Hansol:** But please continue

 **Donghan:** Plus I needed help getting Juho to notice as more than Dongho's little brother

 **Jihoon:** So he decided to ask the queen of stealing people's spotlight and making about himself

 **Jihoon:** A.K.A. Me

 **Donghan:** Exactly

 **Jihoon:** I remember that day

 **Jihoon:** You facetimed me crying about how Juho was the most beautiful man you've ever laid eyes on

 **Jihoon:** You weren't wrong of course

 **Jihoon:** Who doesn't want to ride Juho county fair

 **Donghan:**...

 **Jihoon:** If he wasn't such a emo nemo I've would've been hopped on his ass

 **Hansol:** Word?

 **Jihoon:** Facts

 **Hansol:** Honestly I feel you

 **Hansol:** He went through puberty at five

 **Jihoon:** I'm weak

 **Donghan:** Jihoon also helped me be pretty

 **Hansol:** Pretty?

 **Hansol:** Donghan you've always been pretty

 **Donghan:** I was a chubby and not easy on the eyes freshmen

 **Donghan:** But Jihoon encouraged me to do what I felt was needed to be done so I could be the person I wanted to be 

 **Hansol:** Jihoon

 **Hansol:** Do you have a soft side?

 **Jihoon:** Everybody needs that push pf confidence and they need to know that they always have somebody in their corner rooting for them

 **Hansol:** You're gonna make me cry Jihoon

 **Jihoon:** Shut the fuck up and go get that ass tapped by Yijeong

 **Hansol:** Maybe I will

 **Donghan:** Hey Sollie

 **Donghan:** There's something I think you should see in the main chat

 **Hansol:** Fuck me

 **Jihoon:** You wish

 **Hansol:** You right

  **Mickey Mouse Clubhouse But Takuya Is Goofy**

 **Chungha:** Then Mickey Mouse and I rolled a fat one together

 **Chungha:** After we hotboxed in the Magic Kingdom Castle we see Takuya throwing it back on Goofy like it's no tomorrow

 **Chungha:** And that's how this chat got its name

 **Chungha:** Oh, and how I got kicked out of Disney World

 **Yijeong:** That whole story was wild from the get-go

 **Yijeong:** I like it

 **Kyungil:** Yeah I'm sorry

 **Kyungil:** I hate these bitches too

 **Chungha:** Aww love you too bitch face

 **Dongho:** Since you're here Yijeong

 **Wendy:** Here we go

 **Dongho:** As the President of the "Protect Ji Hansol Squad" and as his birth father

 **Dongho:** It is my duty to remind you that I can break your fucking neck if you hurt or make my baby cry

 **Takuya:** You're not even this protective over your actual little brother

 **Dongho:** Donghan can take care of himself and Juho's too stupid to hurt him on purpose

 **Dongho:** Hansol is my special butterfly who entrusted me with almost everything

 **Hansol:** What the fuck is going on here???

 **Kyungil:** Oh, hi Hansol

 **Kyungil:** Not much really

 **Yijeong:** Hi babe

 **Hansol:** Hi

 **Hansol:** Um what are you doing here?

 **Yijeong:** Kyungil added me 

 **Hansol:** And may I ask why Kyungil?

 **Kyungil:** Because we have to give him the information on the trip Dumb Hansol

 **Kyungil:** Oh, and Big Brother Dongho wanted to debrief him

 **Yijeong:** It's comforting to know that somebody like Dongho is making sure you're okay

 **Yijeong:** He's a great guy

 **Juho:** Didn't he threaten to shank you in the parking lot after practice when Kyungil first added you?

 **Dongho:** Is your only purpose exposing your beloved friends Ju?

 **Juho:** Ummmm....Yeah?

 **Dongho:** Noted

 **Chungha:** Anywhoooo

 **Chungha:** Is our Hansol good in bed Yijeonggie?

 **Hansol:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DO NOT ANSWER HER

**Yijeong:**

**Yijeong:** I don't think I should answer that

 **Chungha:** I'll take that as a definite yes

 **Yijeong:** I mean

 **Yijeong:** He is a gymnast

 **Chungha:** YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

 **Hansol:** NOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Jihoon:** This is what keeps my body sack alive

 **Jihoon:** It really does

 **Hansol:** Jeonggie you don't have to stay

 **Takuya:** YES HE DOES

 **Donghan:** PLEASE

 **Chungha:** Yeah

 **Chungha:** We haven't had a new member in a while

 **Juho:** We certainly lose them

 **Wendy:** I thought we were here to discuss the trip and other businesses?

 **Takuya:** Oh yeah let's get this meeting up and poppin

 **Kyulkyung:** We kinda got sidetracked

 **Kyulkyung:** Dongho

 **Kyulkyung:** Do your thing Mr. President

 **Dongho:** Alright bitches plus Yijeong

 **Dongho:** We have a lot to talk about

 **Dongho:** Wendy

 **Dongho:** Can you read off the list sweetie

 **Wendy:** Of course cuteness

 **Takuya:** *Gags*

 **Dongho:** Shut the fuck up

 **Wendy:** Tonight, you limp fucking nipples, we will be initiating our new member Yijeong

 **Wendy:** Then a update on the Seulgi Situation

 **Wendy:** And then most importantly we'll be discussing the trip and where we're going

 **Jihoon:** To Hell

 **Dongho:** WE'LL DISCUSS IN THE DESIGNATED TIME

 **Jihoon:** FINE

 **Jihoon:** Bitch

 **Dongho:** Alright

 **Dongho:** Who wants to have the honors of jumping in Yijeong?

 **Donghan:** Oh!!!! me!!!

 **Dongho:** Go ahead

 **Donghan:** Alrighty

 **Donghan:** Jang Yijeong

 **Donghan:** Do you accept this invitation to join this gang?

 **Dongho:** Donghan

 **Donghan:** I mean friendship group

 **Yijeong:** I wholeheartedly accept

 **Donghan:** Now that you have joined you get a special privilege

 **Yijeong:** Special Privilege?

 **Donghan:** Baby Boo explain

 **Juho:** It's stupid but I still look forward to it 

 **Juho:** Anyway the privilege is that you get to hold Donghan's hand if you're ever feeling upset/anxious/depressed/happy

 **Juho:** You just have to make an appointment with him

 **Donghan:** YEP!!!!

 **Yijeong:** That's so adorable

 **Hansol:** Like you

 **Hansol:** I mean fuck me

 **Hansol:** Shit 

 **Hansol:** Not like that

 **Hansol:** I'll shut up now

 **Takuya:** Please

 **Takuya:** That made my ass crack tingle

 **Donghan:** Do you accept these terms?

 **Yijeong:** Of course

 **Donghan:** You're in now!!!!

 **Chungha:** You're officially a bitch

 **Jihoon:** Or a hoe

 **Jihoon:** He might be a hoe

 **Dongho:** He's a top so he's a bitch

 **Jihoon:** We need more bottoms

 **Donghan:** But I like it with just us 

 **Jihoon:** Shit you right

 **Dongho:** Okay

 **Dongho:** Check that off the to-do list

 **Dongho:** Next

 **Wendy:** The Seulgi Situation

 **Juho:** Ah shit here we go again

 **Wendy:** I have a proposal

 **Wendy:** Please hear me out

 **Wendy:** I think we should reconcile with Seulgi and finally end this stupid drama

 **Wendy:** I think we all need our friend back

 **Juho:** I think "Need" is a stretch

 **Kyulkyung:** You still mad about the black card thing?

 **Juho:** I mean 

 **Juho:** Of fucking course I am

 **Donghan:** It's okay Ju-Ju

 **Donghan:** You made my birthday the best

 **Juho:** Donghan's opinion is the only one that matters

 **Juho:** But I will forever be pressed

 **Takuya:** At least your boyfriend doesn't steer your relationship

 **Juho:** What the hell are you talking about?

 **Juho:** Of course Donghan steers this relationship

 **Kyulkyung:** You guys are my OTP

 **Chungha:** Please 

 **Chungha:** Kyungil and his left hand is my OTP

 **Kyungil:** I mean we are the superior ship

 **Kyungil:** I got videos of us if you guys wanna see

 **Wendy:** LET'S GET BACK ON TRACK

 **Wendy:** Would anyone except Juho and Takuya be willing to reconcile with her?

 **Jihoon:** I never really had a problem with 

 **Jihoon:** Honestly I agree with most of the things she said

 **Chungha:** She called me a mystery whore the other day

 **Chungha:** Still not sure what it means but I think imma get it tattooed

 **Kyungil:** Please don't

 **Chungha:** You can't stop me bitch

 **Dongho:** She said I had low standards

 **Dongho:** I'll have her know my standards are fucking great okay

 **Wendy:** We know baby it's okay

 **Dongho:** They're fucking great man

 **Donghan:** I'm okay with it

 **Juho:** Then I'm okay with it too

 **Kyungil:** So fucking whipped

 **Juho:** Hella

 **Hansol:** Aye all she did was call me lonely thirsty bitch

 **Hansol:** I can't be mad because Sis was correct

 **Takuya:** Yijeong has a vote

 **Takuya:** Vote no

 **Yijeong:** Hansol gave me the gist of what happened

 **Yijeong:** But I'm just gonna sit this out

 **Dongho:** That's fine Yijeong

 **Dongho:** So that makes 7 to 8

 **Takuya:** Fuck me

 **Jihoon:** You'll be fine

 **Jihoon:** You can confront her when she comes back

 **Hansol:** If she comes back

 **Dongho:** There will be no confrontation at any time

 **Dongho:** Do you understand me you fucking shits?

 **Kyulkyung:** Yes papa

 **Kyungil:** A big 10-4

 **Juho:** Affirmative

 **Donghan:** Yes BIg Brother

 **Chungha:** Whatevs bro

 **Takuya:** I'll try my very bestest

 **Wendy:** Well II guess that settles it

 **Wendy:** I'll DM her and we'll see where it goes from there

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to be that hoe but............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Stan Ateez


	9. Butt Injections and Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol: You don't need butt injections babe
> 
> Jihoon: I second that notion
> 
> Chungha: I mean
> 
> Chungha: Yijeong walks in a room 
> 
> Chungha: And his ass walks in five minutes later  
> Kyungil: FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are authors notes really needed? I literally don't even know what to say anymore.

** Paint Me Like One Of Your French Bitches **

**Wendy:** Hi

 **Seulgi:** Hi?

 **Wendy:** So, what have you been up to?

 **Seulgi:** I don't know

 **Seulgi:** Stuff

 **Seulgi:** What about you?

 **Wendy:** Same old same old

 **Seulgi:** That's cool

 **Wendy:** Totally chill

 **Seulgi:** Like a cucumber

 **Wendy:** This is awkward

 **Seulgi:** That's an understatement

 **Seulgi:** But why are you here

 **Wendy:** I've been thinking a lot about what you've said

 **Wendy:** And I'm here to apologize

 **Seulgi:** Are you serious?

 **Wendy:** All of us decided that we should put our prides and feelings aside

 **Seulgi:** I highly doubt ALL of you did

 **Wendy:**  You right

 **Wendy:** Juho and Takuya are still whining

 **Wendy:** But still

 **Wendy:** 10 years of friendship is worth hella more than whatever the hell this is

 **Wendy:** We're sorry that you felt cut out by us

 **Wendy:** Please know that it wasn't our intentions and that if we knew we would have done better

 **Wendy:** I'm sorry about all the things that have been going on for the past few weeks

 **Wendy:** I was acting like a child okay?

 **Wendy:** I really really really fucking miss my best friend

 **Wendy:** We all would like you to come back to us

 **Seulgi:** All except Juho and Takuya of course

 **Wendy:** Just give them some time

 **Wendy:** I mean you did insult their fragile manhood

 **Seulgi:** Word?

 **Seulgi:** I missed you guys too

 **Seulgi:** But really there was no reason for you to apologize

 **Seulgi:** Instead of talking things out with you guys and explaining why I was feeling this way

 **Seulgi:** I said some horrible untrue things about you guys I honestly regret every word and every second of it

 **Seulgi:** It just seemed like as we got older you guys were doing more "Rich Kid" things while I was just there

 **Seulgi:** But that doesn't excuse my actions

 **Wendy:** Friends?

 **Seulgi:** The fucking bestest

 **Seulgi:** Add me back in the chat so I can talk to the other guys

 **Wendy:** Don't worry they're reading this over my shoulder

 **Seulgi:** Of course they are

 **Seulgi:** I'm sorry guys

 **Wendy:** Welcome back

 **Seulgi:** So

 **Seulgi:** Word on the street is that I missed a whole lot of drama

 **Wendy:** Oh my God where the fuck do I start

 **Seulgi:** Don't worry we have all the time in the world

 **Seulgi:** Friend

 **Wendy:** I hate u

 **Seulgi:** Yeet

* * *

**Whipped For Park Chanyeol Squad**

**Hansol:** Whoever changed the name to the chat is my hero

 **Juho:** I try

 **Dongho:** Can we just decide on a name please

 **Dongho:** I get confused when I'm looking for the chat's old name

 **Dongho:** Then I feel old

 **Chungha:** But you are though

 **Dongho:** Hey how about you get off arrest then try to come for me

 **Chungha:** FYI Grandpa

 **Chungha:** I'm off bitch

 **Takuya:** Don't you gotta check in with your probation officer

 **Chungha:** dOn'T YoU gOtTa ChEcK iN WiTh YoUr PrObAtIoN oFfIcEr?!?!

 **Takuya:** I'm-

 **Chungha:** I'll be at school again eventually

 **Chungha:** I have to grace my adoring fans after all this time

 **Takuya:** We're good

 **Takuya:** But thanks for the offer

 **Wendy:** I'm gonna add Seulgi back into the chat now

 **Wendy:** Are you guys finally ready?

 **Juho:** I think we need twelve more days

 **Dongho:** ^^^

 **Wendy:** Dongho!!!!

 **Dongho:** WHAT

 **Wendy:** You guys can't keep putting this off

 **Wendy:** I thought we all were cool again

 **Takuya:** We are(?)

 **Wendy:** I'm adding her now

 **Wendy:** Fix your fucking face Dongho

 **Dongho:** What the hell ever

 **Seulgi:** Hi guys

 **Chungha:** What it do Boo

 **Hansol:** Wow

 **Hansol:** That was 'bout as fake as your ass

 **Jihoon:** All that silicon can't be good for you

 **Chungha:** Shut the fuck up

 **Yijeong:** Silicon?

 **Hansol:** Chungha got butt injections for her 16th birthday

 **Hansol:** Lucky, I know

 **Yijeong:** That's cool

 **Yijeong:** I want some

 **Hansol:** You don't need butt injections babe

 **Jihoon:** I second that notion

 **Chungha:** I mean

 **Chungha:** Yijeong walks in a room

 **Chungha:** And his ass walks in five minutes later

 **Kyungil:** FUCK

 **Dongho:** That imagery was weird

 **Dongho:** Stop it Get some help

 **Seulgi:** You guys haven't changed much

 **Juho:** Well

 **Juho:** Since the last time you saw me I upgraded to a black card

 **Juho:** But besides that we've been relatively the same

 **Donghan:** Babe we talked about this

 **Juho:** I'm sorry

 **Juho:** Welcome back to the crew Seulgi

 **Kyungil:** Yeah

 **Kyulkyung:** You still owe me five bucks

 **Kyulkyung:** But we can discuss that another time okay

**Dongho:**

**Wendy:** Dongho

 **Wendy:** What do you say?

 **Dongho:** Hi

 **Wendy:** DONGHO

 **Dongho:** Hi Seulgi

 **Dongho:** Welcome back to the phantom troupe I guess

 **Juho:** I think I just nutted over that Hunter x Hunter reference

 **Juho:** I feel better now

 **Dongho:** Yeah that's why I said it

 **Seulgi:** It's understandable why you guys are apprehensive with me

 **Donghan:** You think?

 **Juho:** Honestly, what did we talk about?!?!!?!?

 **Donghan:** Shut up Sexy I'm talking

**Juho:**

**Wendy:** Guys

 **Wendy:** We've been through this

 **Jihoon:** We know Mom

 **Jihoon:** Seulgi is back

 **Jihoon:** Does this bitch need a fucking parade

 **Takuya:** Fuck me

 **Jihoon:** Again?

 **Dongho:** Shut up

 **Jihoon: ...** Pussy

 **Dongho:** Bitch

 **Jihoon:** Closet bottom

 **Dongho:** Leprechaun

 **Jihoon:** Troy Bolton

 **Dongho:** Sharpey Evans

 **Kyungil:** Chad

 **Kyulkyung:** Sharpey's Dog

 **Juho:** Severe depression

 **Wendy:** I need new friends

 **Seulgi:** At least the Mystery Crew is back together

 **Wendy:** Yeah no


	10. The Infamous Booty Drought of 2019

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongho: I'm pretty sure it is but the bed arrangements might be a tad strict
> 
> Takuya: Why? Because Wendy is making you sleep alone?
> 
> Dongho: No because it's humid outside
> 
> Dongho: OF FUCKING COURSE IT'S BECAUSE WENDY'S MAKING ME SLEEP ALONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Staring from now I'm on all of my notes will be about my favorite songs currently. I know what you're thinking: Who gives a fuck? But hey if you're looking for new music then you're looking for new music and I happen to know music. Ya Dig?
> 
> Song: Cat & Dog by TXT aka the Furries National Anthem

**Dongho & The Masters Of The Universe**

**Dongho:** If I kill myself you guys will be the blame

 **Jihoon:** Fragile ass bitch

 **Dongho:** Scratch that

 **Dongho:** When I finally punt Jihoon across the football field you bitches better not say shit

 **Hansol:** I yodeled

 **Hansol:** Yijeonggie

 **Hansol:** Give me attention

 **Chungha:** Hansol who knew you'd be such a bottom bitch

 **Chungha** Oh wait

 **Chungha:** I DID

 **Yijeong:** Hi baby

 **Yijeong:** I miss youuuuuu

 **Yijeong:** Do you need anything?

 **Dongho:** Fuck

 **Dongho:** I ship the hell out of these two

 **Jihoon:** Is that stan talk I hear?

 **Takuya:** Does that mean Dongho checks out Stan Twitter?

 **Dongho:** No

 **Dongho:** It means I hang out with you fucking shit starters

 **Hansol:** He got us there

 **Hansol:** I don't need anything Yijeonggie

 **Hansol:** Just constant validation from you

 **Kyungil:** You sound like Chungha

 **Chungha:** No he doesn't

 **Dongho:** Yes he does

 **Hansol:** Am I the prettiest???

 **Yijeong:** No

 **Yijeong:** You're the most beautiful person I ever laid eyes on

 **Dongho:** Fuck

 **Kyungil:** And the fanfics start to write themselves

 **Hansol:** I'm so fucking gay and in love with you

 **Yijeong:** I'm glad

 **Yijeong:** Thank you Hansollie

 **Chungha:** Hansol

 **Chungha:** I think Yijeong likes you

 **Chungha:** Suck his dick before it's too late

 **Hansol:** I already did

 **Dongho:** CLOSED

 **Kyungil:** Why is this iconic

 **Jihoon:** You know what else is iconic?

 **Jihoon:** Me fucking dying

 **Yijeong:** You got us there

 **Kyungil:** What's going on with this fucking Beach Trip to hell?

 **Kyungil:** When the fuck do we roll out and who's riding with who?

 **Dongho:** Friday morning because fuck school I guess

 **Dongho:** If you want to drive you can drive and if you don't want to drive you can ride with someone

 **Dongho:** But most of you guys have two seaters anyway so....figure yo shit out

 **Hansol:** I wanna drive

 **Hansol:** Finally put some speed in my baby

 **Yijeong:** I'll ride with you okay

 **Hansol:** But can I ride you though?

 **Dongho:** CLOSED

 **Hansol:** Sorry

 **Takuya:** I guess you're driving my car Jihoonie

 **Jihoon:** I don't know

 **Jihoon:** Dongho was right

 **Jihoon:** My car is hella tight

 **Jihoon:** I think I might drive to show off

 **Takuya:** Okay cool

 **Jihoon:**.....But then again imma have to put gas in it

 **Takuya:** So my car?

 **Jihoon:** No my car

 **Jihoon:** But yeah you're driving

 **Hansol:** Kyungil?

 **Kyungil:** I'm driving and Chungha is with me

 **Hansol:** Oh, so you guys are back together?

 **Kyungil:** No

 **Kyungil:** But we're fucking again so

 **Dongho:** Why are you guys like this?

 **Kyungil:** She has a good stroke

 **Chungha:** You bet your fucking bottom dollar I do bitch

 **Chungha:** Don't you fucking forget it

 **Hansol:** I mean at least you guys are talking again

 **Juho:** Donghan is with me

 **Kyungil:** Of course he is

 **Kyungil:** Doesn't he suck your dick while you drive?

 **Juho:** I can ask the same thing about Chungha

 **Kyungil:** Touche

 **Dongho:** Anyway, Wendy is driving herself

 **Hansol:** Why though?

 **Hansol:** I thought she didn't like driving long distances

 **Dongho:** She doesn't

 **Dongho:** She's just mad at me

 **Takuya:** WHAT??!!??!??!

 **Jihoon:** Beyonce and Jay-Z fighting?

 **Jihoon:** Do my ears deceive me?????

 **Dongho:** She's mad at me for cancelling our date because I had something else to do that day

 **Kyungil:** What was that something?

 **Dongho:** I had a family gathering

 **Jihoon:** You never miss family activities you fucking nerd

 **Dongho:** Yeah I know

 **Chungha:** FYI Wen is hella pissed my dudes

 **Chungha:** She's riding with me, Seulgi, and Pinky

 **Kyungil:** So you're not riding with me?

 **Chungha:** Guess not bub

 **Chungha:** But you can keep your bed warm for me

 **Kyungil:** Don't even

 **Chungha:** You stay on your fucking period Song Kyungil

 **Kyungil:** And you stay on house arrest Pablo

 **Chungha:** I'm being there for my friend

 **Chungha:** If you can't handle that then get off the fucking pot

 **Kyungil:** That's cool

 **Kyungil:** Dongho is there a spot for one more person?

 **Dongho:** I'm pretty sure it is but the bed arrangements might be a tad strict

 **Takuya:** Why? Because Wendy is making you sleep alone?

 **Dongho:** No because it's humid outside

 **Dongho:** OF FUCKING COURSE IT'S BECAUSE WENDY'S MAKING ME SLEEP ALONE

 **Hansol:** You can sleep at the foot of my bed Donggie

 **Hansol:** Like a puppy

 **Dongho:** At this point I'd sleep with Kyungil

 **Kyungil:** I mean you're hot, we're friends, and I'm secure enough in my sexuality

 **Kyungil:** We can make it not weird

 **Jihoon:** I'M WEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKK

 **Dongho:** I was talking about actually sleeping

 **Dongho:** But I've haven't had ass in three months, so I might just take you up on that offer

 **Juho:** My favorite thing to watch is the "Straight" guys interact

 **Jihoon:** ^^^

* * *

** The Sad Boiz & Donghan Chat **

**Takuya:** Tell us more about your fight with Wendy

 **Takuya:** There has to be something more to this

 **Hansol:** Spill the tea Katie

 **Jihoon:** Come om and tell us Becky

 **Kyungil:** Do it Bethany

 **Dongho:** I, Veronica, am going to commit suicide

 **Jihoon:** In the wise words of Wakka Flokka: "Okay"

 **Hansol:** I'll miss you

 **Hansol:** But tell us

 **Dongho:** It's nothing really

 **Kyungil:** Famous Last Words

 **Hansol:** I love My Chemical Romance

 **Kyungil:** I know I've ridden in a car with you multiple times

 **Dongho:** I honestly have no idea really

 **Dongho:** but she gave me my bi-weekly rundown of my wrong doings

 **Dongho:** 1\. I took Hansol's side over Chungha's when they "Fought" and I then proceeded to "raise my voice" at you guys and her 

 **Juho:** Through...text?

 **Dongho:** Yep

 **Juho:** I am confusion

 **Dongho:** Don't worry your head over it babe

 **Juho:** Oh wow

 **Juho:** He called me babe

 **Juho:** My sugar baby qualities are starting to make a comeback

 **Juho:** Fuck me

 **Dongho:** Don't tempt me

 **Juho:** NANI?!?!?!?!?!?!

 **Donghan:** I think the fuck not you bitch

 **Donghan:** I'm gonna be the only one touching his dick dear brother

 **Takuya:** What is happening in our group????

 **Takuya:** Fucking hell

 **Takuya:** Dongho's turned gay and into a hoe

 **Takuya:** Donghan is fucking verbally murdering us

 **Takuya:** Jihoon's become the voice of reason on more than three occasions

 **Takuya:** Kyungil got curved and is know quite possibly gay

 **Takuya:** Hansol;s the domestic one now

 **Takuya:** And Juho's a verified sugar baby

 **Takuya:** We fucking thrive on drama

 **Jihoon:** It's what we do best what can I say

 **Dongho:** I guess I'm a bad boyfriend and I don't give her attention

 **Dongho:** Buy WHY wouldn't I defend Hansol???

 **Dongho:** I've known him the longest out of everyone besides Hannie and all he did was laugh at Kyungil's (Stupid) joke

 **Kyungil:** Yeah it was stupid

 **Kyungil:** But where are we at on this fucking proposal Dongho?

 **Dongho:** I'm-

 **Jihoon:** Yo can I watch?

 **Hansol:** ^^^

 **Kyungil:** Please

 **Juho:** I feel like we have a lot of tension between us lately

 **Juho:** So I propose an activity between us guys

 **Juho:** If you see what I'm trying to say

 **Donghan:** I understand baby

 **Juho:** Word?

 **Donghan:** Yeah!

 **Donghan:** You want us all to have a orgy

 **Juho:** WHAT

 **Juho:** NONONNONONONONONONONONONONONON

 **Kyungil:** i wholeheartedly support this idea ans I will personally finance it

 **Dongho:** I second this notion

 **Juho:** NONONONONONONNNON

 **Juho:** I was thinking about a volleyball game at my house and afterwards we just dink around

 **Dongho:** Oh

 **Juho:** What the actual fuck guys

 **Kyungil:** Can the volleyball game be gay?

 **Jihoon:** Well if we play it certainly won't be straight

 **Hansol:** Alright bitches 

 **Hansol:** Clear your schedules and whatnot

 **Hansol:** Let's get this gay volleyball game poppoi


	11. Beach Bitches & A Wild Hetero Appears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghan: FUCK YES
> 
> Donghan: I NEED TO TOUCH A FUCKING SEA ANIMAL OR I'M KILLING YOU GUYS AND MYSELF
> 
> Hansol: I love how fucking hype he gets over the beach
> 
> Dongho: He's acting like a crackhead looking for a fix
> 
> Hansol: I know it's so endearing

**Spicey Girls**

**Kyulkyung:** I feel like something gay is going on

 **Wendy:** You say that every time we log into the chats

 **Kyulkyung:** But am I wrong?

 **Wendy:**...

 **Kyulkyung:** There it is

 **Seulgi:** So you're not riding with Dongho?

 **Seulgi:** The literal man of your dreams?

 **Wendy:** He's been such an ass lately 

 **Wendy:** Scratch that

 **Wendy:** He's always been an ass but now I've had enough

 **Kyulkyung:** What did he do?

 **Wendy:** He never wants to spend time with me

 **Wendy:** It's always something

 **Seulgi:** Example

 **Wendy:** We were supposed to have a date but he had to cancel because of a family gathering

 **Wendy:** Another thing is that he ditched me to go celebrate winning states with his team instead of me

 **Wendy:** He's so stupid

 **Chungha:** I went through the same thing with Kyungil

 **Chungha:** Why are they so inconsiderate?

**Seulgi:**

**Kyulkyung:**

**Kyulkyung:** Imma tell em

 **Seulgi:** Don't you dare

 **Chungha:** Tell us what?

 **Wendy:** Yeah?

 **Chungha:** It better not be relationship advice

 **Chungha:** Especially from you Pinky

 **Chungha:** Since you've never had a boyfriend before

 **Kyulkyung:** Shut up Chungha

 **Kyulkyung:** You don't know what I've been doing

 **Chungha:** Well you haven't

 **Chungha:** And for some reason you decide that giving relationship advice should be your fucking career

 **Seulgi:** I thought you were dating Seungcheol, Pinky

 **Kyulkyung:** Yes, my dear Seulgi I am

 **Kyulkyung:** We've been dating for a few weeks now

 **Kyulkyung:** But we've been talking for about three months now

 **Chungha:** You're dating Seungcheol?

 **Chungha:** THE Choi Seungcheol????

 **Chungha:** Stop lying

 **Chungha:** You almost had me Chief

 **Kyulkyung:** That's why I didn't tell you guys

 **Kyulkyung:** You guys always act surprise when the other sex has a conversation with me

 **Kyulkyung:** That and you guys always assume I'm gay

 **Kyulkyung:** So yeah it was none of y'all business until shit was in full motion

 **Chungha:** You tell EVERYBODY else's business

 **Chungha:** But you can't tell us you're dating someone

 **Chungha:** Try again Kyulkyung

 **Kyulkyung:** How about YOU try to stop playing the victim honey

 **Chungha:** Alright

 **Chungha:** Drive yourself

 **Chungha:** Bitch

 **Kyulkyung:** At least I'll make it there alive

 **Seulgi:** Well that happen

 **Wendy:** We've been on edge

 **Seulgi:** You think?

 **Wendy:** Shut up

* * *

**Sad Boiz & Donghan Chat**

**Jihoon:** Remember when Juho looked like Ellen?

 **Kyungil:** YES

 **Hansol:** I-Fucking-Conic

 **Juho:** Imma kill myself

 **Donghan:** I loved your blonde hair babe

 **Juho:** Thank you Han

 **Dongho:** You looked like a girl with that wavy hair

 **Dongho:** I lived for it

 **Dongho:** Did I use that right Ji?

 **Jihoon:** Yes Dad

 **Dongho:** Yeet!

 **Takuya:** I fucking hate you Jihoon

 **Jihoon:** I bet

 **Jihoon:** You weren't saying that when you bent me over after the volleyball game

 **Hansol:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Kyungil:** SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

 **Juho:** FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKK

 **Donghan:** Huh?

 **Dongho:** That's cool

 **Dongho:** I totally didn't get a disturbing mental image of that 

 **Kyungil:** Speaking of last night

 **Kyungil:** I was on a fucking roll and I demolished you bitches

 **Hansol:** The only thing you demolished was my body

 **Hansol:** I had to cancel practice because of the bruises your fucking spikes caused 

 **Hansol:** That shit hurted

 **Takuya:** Like you didn't serve a ball directly in my face and relocated my nose to the 3rd dimension

 **Donghan:** I think I broke my ass bone when Takuya rammed into me

 **Donghan:** And Juho's car has really hard seats but I'm a big dick this shit

 **Jihoon:** I'm used to it

 **Jihoon:** It's not a good game unless somebody fractures a bone or two

 **Hansol:** ^^^

 **Donghan:** ^^^

 **Takuya:** Well excuse us for not being volleyball players like you three

 **Jihoon:** We don't expect much from you swim team losers anyway

 **Jihoon:** The only thing we do expect from y'all is to stand against the wall and look pretty

 **Jihoon:** Can ya manage that?

 **Takuya:** NO

**Kyungil:**

**Kyungil:** Go stand in the corner 

 **Takuya:** Okay

 **Dongho:** I've never really thought of myself as passable volleyball player 

 **Dongho:** But last night was an experience

 **Dongho:** Ji, Han, and Hannie I'd give you a 5-star rating on Yelp for the way you played

 **Donghan:** You guys weren't so bad yourselves for not being full time players

 **Kyungil:** That's the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me

 **Takuya:** Yeah that's sweet and all but...

 **Takuya:** I know we're already past this

 **Takuya:** But Hansol really broke my nose last night

 **Hansol:** Put some vasilin on it and get Jihoon to suck on your left asscheek or something 

 **Hansol:** You'll be fine 

 **Takuya:** THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS

 **Hansol:** Don't be a pussy

 **Takuya:** I CAN'T HELP IT 

* * *

**Dongho Is Lowkey A Jojo Character**

**Dongho:** What even are these chat names anymore?

 **Dongho:** And why do they always have to do with me?

 **Takuya:** And me?!?!!?!?!?

 **Juho:** ^^^

 **Seulgi:** Does it really bother you at this point?

 **Dongho:** No not really

 **Dongho:** But I like to complain

 **Wendy:** Don't we all know it

 **Wendy:** Dick

**Dongho:**

**Dongho:** What the fuck is this 

 **Juho:** ANYWAY

 **Juho:** When the fuck are we pulling out Chief?

 **Juho:** Me and Donghan are fucking ready 

 **Juho:** Isn't that right Babe?

 **Donghan:** FUCK YES

 **Donghan:** I NEED TO TOUCH A FUCKING SEA ANIMAL OR I'M KILLING YOU GUYS AND MYSELF

 **Hansol:** I love how fucking hype he gets over the beach 

 **Dongho:** He's acting like a crackhead looking for a fix

 **Hansol:** I know it's so endearing

 **Dongho:**...

 **Dongho:** We're going to meet up at Starbucks in 30 minutes and then pull out together

 **Dongho:** Bye 

 **Takuya:** Cool

 **Takuya:** WAIT DID YOU SAY 30 MINUTES

 **Takuya:** FUCK JI WE HAVE TO PACK NOW

 **Jihoon:** I already packed  for us

 **Jihoon:** Because I'll be damned if I got to be around you and your horrible wet suits and t-shirts

 **Takuya:** But I like my wet suits...I surf in them

 **Jihoon:** But I want you to flaunt them titties on the beach ya dig?

 **Takuya:** No, I don't dig

 **Jihoon:** Just get in the fucking car

 **Kyungil:** Oh shit

 **Kyungil:** The trip IS today

 **Kyungil:** Word. I'll see you guys there I just need to find my pants

 **Hansol:** Alright

 **Hansol:** Me and Big Daddy are waiting at Starbucks

 **Yijeong:** I'm Big Daddy

 **Jihoon:** We kinda figured Honey

 **Hansol:** Does anyone want anything?

 **Chungha:** Something with alcohol would suffice thank you

**Hansol:**

**Hansol:** Does anybody want anything  on the Starbucks menu?

 **Chungha:** Fuck

 **Chungha:** Why are we leaving so early?

 **Kyungil:** Alright I should be there in ten

 **Chungha:** When are we leaving?

 **Dongho:** Whenever yo bitchass gets here

 **Dongho:** But I'm ready to pull out and I doubt you'll make in time 

 **Dongho:** Do you know the way?

 **Chungha:** FUCK WHY DIDN'T I SET AN ALARM

 **Chungha:** WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US EARLIER DICKHO

 **Hansol:** He did

 **Hansol:** You're just stupid and a lush

 **Jihoon:** Which is a bad combo

 **Jihoon:** Trust me I know

 **Chungha:** Fuck all of you

 **Chungha:** Guess it's time to break out the old GPS

 **Chungha:** If we end up driving off a cliff I hope you know it's your fault 

 **Chungha:** Wendy and Seulgi

 **Chungha:** Have y'all shit together

 **Wendy:** I should be telling you that but whatever

 **Seulgi:** Don't worry about me I got a ride

 **Wendy:** Oh?

 **Wendy:** Are you talking about Daniel?

 **Seulgi:** Yeah

 **Seulgi:** His family has a summer home there

 **Jihoon:** Interesting...

 **Jihoon:** Let me make a note of that

 **Chungha:** Whatever OMW Wendy

 **Seulgi:** Wow

 **Seulgi:** I was expecting her to throw a bitch fit but I'm honestly surprised

 **Takuya:** We're almost there Chief

 **Dongho:** Great

 **Dongho:** Now where's Kyulkyung and her baby daddy

 **Juho:** So we're just gonna ignore that?

 **Kyulkyung:** Sorry I'm pulling up now

 **Kyulkyung:** Had to pick Seungcheol up

 **Juho:** Seungcheol?!??!?!?!

 **Donghan:** As in Juho's great friend Seungcheol?

 **Jihoon:** As in very naive but he looks make up for it Seungcheol?

 **Kyulkyung:** Yeah, I'm kinda dating him 

 **Takuya:** That's amazing 

 **Takuya:** How wonderful for you Pinky

 **Kyulkyung:** I know that we're texting but I can't help but believe the tone your using is fake af

 **Dongho:** He's only saying that because he bet on whether you were gay or not

 **Juho:** And let me guess, you lost?

 **Kyulkyung:** Of course he did

 **Dongho:** ALRIGHT

 **Dongho:** IT'S BEEN 10 MINUTES

 **Dongho:** AUTOBOTS ROLL Out

 **Jihoon:** Excuse me but I'm a Decepticon

 **Dongho:** JUST DRIVE 


	12. Gas Station Fights & Defeating The Thots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol: Imma beat yo ass at our next stop
> 
> Kyulkyung: I can see us on the news already
> 
> Kyulkyung: Locals Start Brawl at a Highway Gas Station

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I didn't do any notes for the last chapter....oops. 
> 
> Anywho, song of the day: FOCUS by KIM DONGHAN

**That's The Way We Became The Booty Bunch**

**Jihoon:** So

 **Jihoon:** Which one of you dirty fucking bastards ate one of my Jolly Rancher Pop-tarts?

 **Jihoon:** And then have the fucking audacity to put that open ass box back in my grocery bag?

 **Jihoon:** They fell out fucking everywhere

**Jihoon:**

**Jihoon:** Oh?

 **Jihoon:** You fuck asses can't respond huh?

 **Jihoon:** All I got to say is best believe when I find out who ate them they cheeks gettin clapped

 **Jihoon:** On my fucking mama

 **Dongho:** Just one weekend filled with peace but fuck Dongho apparently

 **Dongho:** We just barely got on the highway

 **Jihoon:** You want yo cheeks rolled too?

 **Dongho:** At this point yes

 **Jihoon:**....You good fam?

 **Dongho:** It's nothing really

 **Jihoon:** Dm Bro

 **Dongho:** Fine just don't say that again

 **Seulgi:** Sorry Ji

 **Seulgi:** It was me

 **Seulgi:** Takuya told me that I could get one

 **Seulgi:** He made it seem like they were his

 **Jihoon:** You won't get an ass whoopin

 **Seulgi:** Cool

 **Jihoon:** Terada Takuya

 **Donghan:** JIHOON I'M HAVING A CRISIS

 **Donghan:** MEET ME IN THE PRIVATE CHAT ASAP

 **Jihoon:** Be there in a minute

 **Kyulkyung:** Since when did you become Dr. Phil

 **Jihoon:** Since you bitches can't go five minutes without starting shit

 **Hansol:** SAYS YOU

 **Jihoon:** Go back to sleep you whore

 **Jihoon:** Since you didn't get any last night

 **Jihoon:** I wonder if that's the reason why your voice is shot this morning?

 **Jihoon:** Slut

 **Hansol:** Fuck you

 **Hansol:** You would know

 **Jihoon:** And your point?

 **Hansol:** Imma beat your ass at our next stop

 **Kyulkyung:** I can see us on the news already

 **Kyulkyung:** "Locals Start Brawl At Highway Gas Station"

 **Seulgi:** I'm fucking weak

 **Jihoon:** Speaking of rest stops

 **Jihoon:** When are we stopping because I need to stock up on condoms

 **Hansol:** I'm sorry

 **Hansol:** Did I read that right?

 **Seulgi:** Condoms?

 **Seulgi:** I'm pretty sure Daniel has some

 **Jihoon:** I'm pretty sure Daniel has a big dick

 **Jihoon:** The condoms would be too big for Lil' Takuya

 **Hansol:** FUCK

 **Kyulkyung:** YOU MADE HIM FUCKING SWERVE I'M DEAD

 **Dongho:** WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPEN?!?!?

 **Dongho:** WHY DID HE SWERVE?!?!

 **Dongho:** HELLO?!?!??!?!?!

 **Kyulkyung:** Scroll up

 **Hansol:** Or we could just tell him

 **Kyulkyung:** No

 **Hansol:** Welp

 **Dongho:** Fuck me

 **Jihoon:** I'm pretty sure Kyungil's gonna do that later when we get to the cabin

 **Hansol:** WE ARE NOT DOING THIS

**Kyulkyung:**

**Seulgi:**

**Seulgi:** Was that a gay?

 **Kyulkyung:** I think it was

 **Dongho:** WHAT.THE.ACTUAL.FUCK.JIHOON

 **Dongho:** Why would you say that?!?!?!??!

 **Jihoon:** Because your crusty girlfriend won't stop lurking

 **Wendy:** Excuse me

 **Jihoon:** See

 **Jihoon:** Everybody log out quick

 **Hansol:** SHIT

 **Wendy:** Fucking childish

** Dongho's Anime Titties & Jihoon's Fat Ass **

**Jihoon:** Alright Dongho

 **Jihoon:** What's the sitch?

 **Dongho:** You know what

 **Jihoon:** Alright Alright

 **Jihoon:** What's bothering you?

 **Dongho:** I wanna break up with Wendy

 **Jihoon:** Word?

 **Dongho:** I mean I love how head strong, beautiful, and intelligent she is 

 **Dongho:** But as of lately...I don't feel the same about it

 **Dongho:** Before, whenever she walked in a room angels would sing I would instantly feel better

 **Dongho:** Now every time I see her I feel like I have to apologize to her for something

 **Dongho:** Not exactly living life

 **Jihoon:** Okay

 **Jihoon:** Break up with her

 **Dongho:** That's literally what I'm going to do

 **Dongho:** The problem is dealing with the aftermath

 **Dongho:** There's going to be a witch hunt and frankly I don't want to deal with it

 **Jihoon:** No fucking doubt about that

 **Jihoon:** When those girls have a common enemy there's no stopping that force

 **Dongho:** Is this supposed to make me feel better?

 **Jihoon:** Listen

 **Jihoon:** There's no helping to the shit storm that's to come if you go through with this

 **Jihoon:** How bout instead of being sad why don't you just get a rebound

 **Jihoon:** Those are fun

 **Dongho:** Oh because there's just a gigantic line of people waiting to jump me

 **Jihoon:** Are you being sarcastic?

 **Dongho:** Yeah?

 **Dongho:** Yeah

 **Dongho:** It's become my coping mechanism

 **Jihoon:** Listen Chief

 **Jihoon:** When we get to the gas station, gently take her off to the side

 **Jihoon:** AND FUCKING BREAK HER HEART

 **Dongho:** I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT

 **Jihoon:** Well that's what Juho did to her when he found out about her crush in eight grade

 **Jihoon:** And they're relatively fine

 **Jihoon:** I guess

 **Dongho:** Fine

 **Dongho:** What should I do after that besides sign my own death certificate?

 **Jihoon:** That's easy!

 **Jihoon:** You're going to tell Kyungil that you want him to murder your anus hole

 **Dongho:** Okay seriously

 **Dongho:** What is all this stuff about me and Kyungil coming from?

 **Jihoon:** Bitch please

 **Jihoon:** Everyone and they fucking mamas could feel the sexual tension around you and Gil

**Dongho:**

**Dongho:** Bye

 **Jihoon:** So, you're not going to do it?

 **Dongho:** I didn't say that

 **Jihoon:** Glad to be of help

**Donghan & Satan Lee**

**Jihoon:** What's the prob?

 **Donghan:** How do you send a perfect nude?

**Donghan:**

**Jihoon:** Oh?

 **Jihoon:** Ask Hansol

 **Jihoon:** He's a pro

 **Donghan:** Okay Thank You Ji!!!!!

 **Jihoon:** It's what I do

 


	13. Two Ethereal Gods Have Entered The Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol: Gods are supposed to be revered and feared and not to be treated as equals
> 
> Seungcheol: I will never be on Lee Jihoon's level
> 
> Takuya: I'm his boyfriend and he's called me a peasant on more than ten occasions
> 
> Yijeong: Jihoon is sweet 
> 
> Yijeong: Well...when he wants to be
> 
> Juho: You guys do know that Jihoon will open the chat up and read this shit, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I wanna try writing an actual story on here.......still debating. Anywho, let's check back in with the Breakfast Club!

**Find Takuya's Balls, Look Out For Them All**

**Takuya:** I'm so tired

 **Takuya:** But Jihoon's driving is keeping me awake

 **Takuya:** Maybe it was a mistake to let him drive at night

 **Kyungil:** No

 **Kyungil:** Your first mistake was letting him crank the car up

 **Yijeong:** Floor it?

 **Juho:** FUCK MRS.PUFF IS DEAD

 **Takuya:** It's kinda lonely in here don't cha think?

 **Juho:** Yeah

 **Juho:** You guys are lame

 **Kyungil:** ^^^

 **Takuya:** Hey, who has Daniel's username?

 **Takuya:** And who has Seungcheol's?

 **Juho:** I have Cheollie's

 **Juho:** I'll add him

 **Yijeong:** I'll add Daniel

 **Takuya:** I should have guessed an ethereal beauty like Yijeong would know Daniel

 **Takuya:** God I fucking hate you

 **Yijeong:** I love you too

 **Yijeong:** Alright he's in

 **Juho:** Done

 **Daniel:** Hi?

 **Seungcheol:** Hello?

 **Kyungil:** Sup

 **Takuya:** They even sound cute and innocent

 **Juho:** That won't last long especially if they stay here

 **Takuya:** Anywho

 **Takuya:** Since you guys are here

 **Takuya:** I want you to rate my nudes

 **Juho:** I'm going to sleep and hopefully die in the process

 **Takuya:** Any takers?

**Takuya:**

**Takuya:** Left on read again

 **Daniel:** It's just...How am I supposed to respond to this?

 **Juho:** That's easy

 **Juho:** You don't

 **Daniel:** Okay

 **Daniel:** That sounds easy

 **Kyungil:** I've known him for 10+ years

 **Kyungil:** It will never be "easy" to ignore him

 **Juho:** ^^^

 **Seungcheol:** So, what goes on here?

 **Juho:** Well

 **Juho:** Bullshit I suppose...and Chungha/felon jokes

 **Juho:** We like to have a good time

 **Kyungil:** We have hella drama though

 **Kyungil:** It's 97% chance that your relationship won't last two days in this chat

 **Takuya:** Dongho yells at us to go to bed all the time

 **Takuya:** All Wendy knows how to do is nag

 **Takuya:** Jihoon may be small but he's a highkey savage

 **Takuya:** Chungha's stupid and an actual criminal

 **Takuya:** Juho's the only relatively normal one in the group

 **Takuya:** Donghan is our soft gay Jesus

 **Takuya:** Kyungil either has great taste in women or not all

 **Takuya:** Yijeong is the epitome of beauty

 **Takuya:** Hansol should be protected at all times

 **Takuya:** And Kyulkyung spills the tea

 **Takuya:** Any questions?

 **Daniel:** Yes, can I go home?

 **Takuya:** Haha no

 **Yijeong:** You think I'm beautiful, Takuya?

 **Takuya:** I mean I have eyes Jeonggie

 **Juho:** I really want Jihoon to beat your ass

 **Juho:** Real talk

 **Takuya:** Shit I wish he would too

 **Takuya:** If you know what I mean

 **Seungcheol:** Block me

 **Juho:** It's too late for you guys

 **Juho:** You picked the right females to get with 

 **Juho:** You're one of us now

 **Seungcheol:** I guess it's nice to make more male friends

 **Seungcheol:** But I'm lowkey terrified of Jihoon

 **Daniel:** Why?

 **Daniel:** He's so cute and nice

 **Takuya:** Only to you because he wants to eat your ass

 **Daniel:** Oh

 **Daniel:** Cool

 **Seungcheol:** I mean...Mingyu hasn't been the same since "The Lunch Room Incident of 2017"

 **Daniel:** The incident?

 **Yijeong:** Yo I was in the lunch room when it happened

 **Yijeong:** I'm still weak to this day

 **Daniel:** Oh! I heard about that 

 **Daniel:** iconic

 **Juho:** So iconic that Ji got off with a warning for shattering a poor boy's knee cap

 **Juho:** I lowkey think he sucked off Principal Siwon's dick but that's none of business 

 **Takuya:** ^^^

 **Seungcheol:** Gods are supposed to be revered and feared and not be treated as equals

 **Seungcheol:** I will never be Lee Jihoon's level

 **Takuya:** I'm his boyfriend and he's called me a peasant on more than ten occasions

 **Yijeong:** Jihoon is sweet

 **Yijeong:** Well...when he wants to be

 **Juho:** You guys do know that Jihoon will open the chat and read this shit, right?

 **Seungcheol:** I DON'T WANNA DIE

 **Daniel:** Jihoon can't really be that bad

 **Takuya:** Famous last words

**Wendy & Dongho Against The World**

**Wendy:** So

 **Dongho:** What?

 **Wendy:** You seem like you have something to say to me

 **Wendy:** So go ahead and stop dragging this out longer than it has to be

 **Wendy:** The pained expressions that you have on your face when you talk me are a dead giveaway

 **Wendy:** So whatever you need to get off your chest just do it

 **Dongho:** What is there for me to say or do

 **Dongho:** I've been trying

 **Dongho:** You may not see that but I am

 **Dongho:** Well, I was

 **Wendy:** Keep going

 **Wendy:** Tell me how you really feel

 **Dongho:** I'm trying to in the nicest way possible 

 **Wendy:** No you're not

 **Wendy:** You're not even trying to spare my feelings 

 **Wendy:** You just don't don't wanna deal with the after effects of what you say

 **Dongho:** Oh what the fuck do you know?

 **Wendy:** Stop being a fucking bitch and say it

 **Dongho:** I'm over this and you 

 **Dongho:** And you're right 

 **Dongho:** I should stop being a whiny bitch and finally dump your ass

 **Dongho:** But before you leave I have a few things to get off my chest 

 **Dongho:** First of all: Did you seriously believe that I was just gonna drop anything and everything just because you want me to stand beside you?

 **Dongho:** To answer that: You were fucking mistaken

 **Dongho:** Second of all: You sit there and you belittle my friends and you plus your drama starting friends almost caused Hansol to relapse

 **Dongho:** And third of all: You make me fucking sick

 **Wendy:** Is that it?

 **Dongho:** No

 **Dongho:** You made it so hard for me to love you

 **Dongho:** And I've tried to get past all of these things because I held on all the good times we had in the beginning

 **Dongho:** But I'm so fucking tired

 **Wendy:** I'm sorry

 **Wendy:** I'm sorry for everything

 **Wendy:** Let's take a break from each other

 **Wendy:** And then we can try again

 **Dongho:** No

 **Dongho:** We're on a break indefinitely

**Wendy:**

**Wendy:** I understand

 **Wendy:** Dongho, I'm really sorry

 **Dongho:** Yeah I know

 **Dongho:** Just make sure this stays our business and keep your friends out of my inbox

 **Dongho:** Later

**He Is The One Named Sailor Ju**

**Yijeong:** Good Morning!!

 **Yijeong:** Did you guys sleep well?

 **Dongho:** No, I wanna fucking die

 **Yijeong:** Oh?

 **Yijeong:** Well that's too bad I'm sorry

 **Donghan:** YEP!!! DID YOU JEONGIE!?!?!?!

 **Juho:** The difference between these two are so fucking hilarious

 **Takuya:** Yeah 

 **Takuya:** Donghan is the fucking sun from the Teletubbies 

 **Takuya:** While Dongho is on his fifth mental breakdown of this week 

 **Kyulkyung:** I think you mean sixth 

 **Takuya:** You right

 **Hansol:** Hey Dongho....You..You good bro?

 **Dongho:** I'm O-To-The-Fucking-Kay

 **Dongho:** Just loving life you know

**Hansol:**

**Juho:**

**Kyulkyung:**

**Donghan:**

**Takuya:** Jihoon stop lurking

 **Jihoon:** Bitch I'm scared too

 **Juho:** Look bitches

 **Juho:** We came here to the beach to have fun and make some fucking lifelong memories

 **Juho:** And my baby Hannie wants to go to the fucking tide pools 

 **Juho:** AND WE'RE GONNA DO JUST THAT

 **Juho:** You gay bum ass bitches stay wild'in

 **Takuya:** I prefer the term "Homosapien"

 **Jihoon:** Well I prefer the term "Ass-Eater"

 **Kyulkyung:** Kyungil eats ass and he's straight

 **Kyungil:** This isn't my first kink shaming 

 **Kyungil:** You guys can't hurt me anymore

 **Kyulkyung:** Fucking Iconic

 **Kyungil:** Anywho

 **Kyungil:** Since I got you hoes here I need help

 **Hansol:** Did you get lost on the way to Target?

 **Hansol:** It's literally ten minutes you can't fuck that up

 **Yijeong:** You're at Target Kyungil?

 **Yijeong:** If you don't mind can you pick me up a Finding Nemo coloring book and some crayons please

 **Hansol:** Babe

 **Yijeong:** Oh it's not for me 

 **Yijeong:** I lost to D-Han in Blackjack

 **Hansol:** Never go against him cards

 **Hansol:** Everyone knows this

 **Yijeong:** Sollie I got my ass BEAT

 **Kyungil:** Hello?!?!?!

 **Kyungil:** Back to me

 **Kyungil:** No I haven't left for Target 

 **Kyungil:** BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND MY FUCKING CONTACTS

 **Kyungil:** And I think I left my colored ones on my nightstand at home

 **Kyungil:** FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

 **Wendy:** Did you bring an extra set

 **Kyungil:** If I DID WHY WOULD I BRING THIS UP!!!!

 **Wendy:** Well fuck you too

 **Dongho:** What did I tell you 

 **Dongho:** Like seriously

 **Dongho:** While we were on FaceTime packing I told you to pack more than one set

 **Kyungil:** Don't say I told you so please

 **Dongho:** Oh I'm not gonna say it 

 **Dongho:** But best believe I'm thinking it 

 **Dongho:** Just wear your glasses

 **Kyungil:** I burned them remember 

 **Dongho:** You thought you did

 **Dongho:** I swapped them out last minute and I keep them in the car just in case something like this happens

 **Kyungil:** I've been bamboozled

 **Kyulkyung:** You look like it too

 **Kyungil:** Suck my ass Pinky

 **Kyulkyung:** No thank you

 **Kyulkyung:** Seungcheol's ass is the only one that will ever be graced by these lips

 **Hansol:** You're such a mom Dongho

 **Dongho:** Well someone has to be

 **Seulgi:** It's 10am on a Saturday

 **Seulgi:** Can we at least wait until lunch to make ass eating jokes

 **Kyulkyung:** What kind of jokes do you propose we make during this time my Gay Lord?

 **Seulgi:** How about the "Kyungil looks like Detective Conan when we wears his glasses" type jokes

 **Kyungil:** STOP IT

 **Kyungil:** This is bullying

 **Dongho:** You look amazing in your glasses Kyungil

 **Seulgi:** Yeah 

 **Seulgi:** Amazingly like Detective Conan

 **Kyungil:** FUCK YOU GUYS

 


	14. A Fight in Downtown Paris (But Not Really)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongho: YOU JUST GONNA HOP ON FUCKING PLANE TO PARIS AND BE BACK IN TIME FOR FUCKING BRUNCH?!?!?!?
> 
> Juho: I heard Brunch I have been summoned
> 
> Juho: ......
> 
> Juho: We're not having Brunch are we?

**The Boiz**

**Takuya:** Who am I?

 **Takuya:** What am I supposed to do?

 **Takuya:** I miss him

 **Takuya:** I can't live like this

 **Takuya:** I wonder if he packed his inhaler

 **Takuya:** OH MY GOD WHAT IF HE DIES FROM AN ASTHMA ATTACK 

 **Dongho:** OH MY FUCKING GOD HE'S BEEN GONE FOR LESS THAN A DAY AND YOU'RE ALREADY FUCKING CRYING

 **Seungcheol:** What's wrong Takuya?

 **Daniel:** Yeah are you okay?

 **Takuya:** YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND HE NEEDS HIS INHALER

 **Takuya:** I HAVE TO TAKE IT TO HIM

 **Dongho:** HOW?!?!?!?

 **Dongho:** REALLY HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?!?!?!?!?!??

 **Dongho:** YOU JUST GONNA HOP ON A FUCKING PLANE TO PARIS AND BE BACK IN TIME FOR FUCKING BRUNCH?!?!?!??!!

 **Juho:** I heard Brunch I have been summoned

**Juho:**

**Juho:** We're not having Brunch are we?

 **Daniel:** Nah

 **Juho:** Is Takuya crying about Jihoon going on that French class field trip?

 **Juho:** It hasn't even been an entire day yet

 **Juho:** Go beat your meat and shut the fuck up

 **Takuya:** I CAN'T JUST GO BEAT MY MEAT

 **Takuya:** I HAVE TO KNOW IF MY BABY IS OKAY

 **Takuya:** HE'S COMPACT HE CAN LITERALLY DIE

 **Hansol:** Crying about Jihoon already?

 **Hansol:** This isn't the first time Jihoon's gone to Paris

 **Hansol:** He always comes back more bitchy and bougie every time

 **Hansol:** Juho's right you're probably just horny

 **Kyungil:** I texted him when he landed to see if he got there safe and he called me a "Charlie Brown Blockhead Looking Ass"

 **Kyungil:** The French can keep his dingy ass

 **Daniel:** A Charlie Brown what?

 **Kyungil:** I don't know either

 **Takuya:** Do you guys think that he'll be alright?

 **Takuya:** You know he's really really small and fragile

 **Juho:** "Fragile"

 **Dongho:** As stated before 

 **Dongho:** This isn't Ji's first time in France

 **Dongho:** He's fluent in the language and won't hesitate to catch a case

 **Dongho:** And he hasn't had an asthma attack since ninth grade

 **Dongho:** Trust me he'll be fine

 **Takuya:** But he's so small 

 **Juho:** But he's a big bitch so it makes up for it

 **Takuya:** Okay

 **Takuya:** I'm cool. I'm chill

 **Donghan:** No he's not 

 **Donghan:** I'm sitting beside him and he's currently trying to book a flight to Paris

 **Dongho:** GOD DAMN IT TAKUYA

 **Takuya:** YOU CAN'T KEEP ME FROM SEEING HIM

 **Takuya:** I LOVE HIM

 **Yijeong:** I think you should go Tak

 **Dongho:** WHAT

 **Juho:** Nani?

 **Kyungil:** Da hell

 **Hansol:** Babe?

 **Hansol:** What the fuck

 **Takuya:** Ummm what?

 **Daniel:** Just imagine how romantic it would be if Takuya surprised Jihoon in Paris, the literal most romantic city in the world

 **Daniel:** Buy him some white roses and a big ass teddy bear

 **Juho:** Jihoon's a basic bitch do he might like that

 **Dongho:** i admit 

 **Dongho:** This idea sounds really cute and I'm living for it

 **Kyungil:** Nobody says living for it anymore except for the Gays

 **Dongho:** Your point?

 **Kyungil:** Okay

 **Dongho:** BUT

 **Dongho:** It's smack dab in the middle of a Wednesday and you have Lacrosse practice after school

 **Dongho:** Can you at least make it home to tell, you know, YOUR PARENTS about your future endeavors in downtown Paris

 **Dongho:** Could you manage that?

 **Takuya:** I mean, yeah

 **Takuya:** But too late I'm already at home packing

 **Dongho:** WHAT THE HELL

 **Dongho:** WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER?!?!?!?!?

 **Juho:** When the dick that good

 **Juho:** You're willing to fly half-way across the world for it

 **Kyungil:** ^^^

 **Dongho:** Juho

 **Dongho:** Kyungil

 **Dongho:** Shut the fuck up

**Hansol & His Headass**

**Hansol:** To whoever changed the chat name

 **Hansol:** Fuck you

 **Kyulkyung:** Why would you want to fuck me?

 **Kyulkyung:** I thought you were gay Sollie?

 **Hansol:** You know what-

 **Juho:** Ummmmm

 **Juho:** Quick question

 **Juho:** Where in the Holy Hell is Takuya?

 **Hansol:** I don't know exactly where but I know he's usually with Jihoon

 **Juho:** Fuck no he's not

 **Juho:** I need him here ASAP

 **Hansol:** Why?

 **Hansol:** This sounds hella urgent

 **Juho:** Oh nothing really 

 **Juho:** Jihoon's about to fight this little freshmen girl

 **Hansol:** I'm confusion

 **Juho:** Yeah apparently she's been "All Up" on Takuya and flirting with him

 **Hansol:** I knew this would happen

 **Juho:** You know the girl?

 **Hansol:** Yeah

 **Hansol:** Mina is a sweet girl

 **Hansol:** A little on the hoe-ish side but sweet nonetheless 

 **Juho:** Yeah well this sweet little girl is about to get folded

 **Juho:** Fuck somebody get Dongho or Kyungil

 **Kyulkyung:** Kyungil's playing Baseball in two towns over 

 **Kyulkyung:** I'll see if I can find Big Boy™

 **Hansol:** Did you really have to Trademark that?

 **Kyulkyung:** Shut up and help me find Dongho

 **Hansol:** Suck my ass

 **Hansol:** If you keep talking shit Mina won't be the only one getting clapped

 **Chungha:** Did someone say fight? I FUCKING LOVE FIGHTS

 **Seulgi:** Yeah we know

 **Juho:** Have you guys seen either Takuya or Dongho?

 **Juho:** For the love of God please say yes

 **Chungha:** Nah

 **Chungha:** But I think Takuya's at the pool

 **Chungha:** Looking cute with his fit

 **Seulgi:** I hope you know Jihoon's gonna beat your ass

 **Juho:** If we keep on wasting time Jihoon's gonna be beating a whole lot of bitches

 **Seulgi:** Is that why people are running around yelling about a fight?

 **Seulgi:** It's seriously the Jihoon and Mingyu fight all over again

 **Seulgi:** Hey Seungcheol

 **Seulgi:** I see your lurking ass

 **Seungcheol:** Sorry

 **Seungcheol:** I still feel weird about just jumping into your conversations

 **Seulgi:** That's stupid

 **Seulgi:** We rather have you than Takuya

 **Seulgi:** Speaking of Takuya have you seen him?

 **Seulgi:** Apparently Jihoon's on a war path

 **Seungcheol:** Yeah I just left him and Dongho by the pool

 **Seungcheol:** Should I go back and get them?

 **Seulgi:** Nah I wanna see some carnage

 **Seungcheol:** That's okay

 **Seungcheol:** I guess...

 **Juho:** God Fucking Damn It

 **Juho:** He threw one of his Vans and hit her

 **Seulgi:** Jihoon is a fucking G

 **Seulgi:** Change my mind

 **Seungcheol:** I'm pretty sure she can sue him

 **Seungcheol:** As I stated before: Should we be worried?

 **Juho:** No, I'll handle it

 **Juho:** When you see Takuya and Donghan tell them that I took Ji home

 **Seungcheol:** Is he getting suspended?

 **Seungcheol:** WHAT IF HE GETS EXPELLED?!?!?!?!?!??!

 **Juho:** I highly doubt it 

 **Juho:** Jihoon's more or less has Principal Siwon wrapped around his finger

 **Juho:** Fucking hell

 **Juho:** My entire Friday gone

 **Seungcheol:** You're a good friend Juho

 **Seungcheol:** I hope we can be friends like you and Jihoon

 **Juho:** Ditto

 **Juho:** It seems like you're the only one that appreciate me in this fucking family

 **Seulgi:** You right

 **Seulgi:** Fucking Noodle Headass

**Hansol & His Headass**

**Kyulkyung:** What's the plan for tomorrow bitches?

 **Dongho:** That's the thing 

 **Dongho:** None of you fuck asses would make up your mind

 **Juho:** So what you're saying is that we're gonna be walking outside the prom looking like some goofies?

 **Juho:** We can't have shit in this house

 **Kyulkyung:** I still say we go out to eat before going to prom

 **Kyulkyung:** Ya dig?

 **Seulgi:** No I don't dig

 **Seulgi:** We should eat after prom

 **Chungha:** Why not both?

 **Juho:** For what reason would we do that?

 **Juho:** You think I got "Eat-Before-And-Eat-After-Prom" money?

 **Chungha:** Juho your family is the richest in town

 **Juho:** That's not the point

 **Dongho:** How about we find the point?

 **Dongho:** Since nobody loves me

 **Hansol:** I love you Dongho

 **Dongho:** Thank you Sweetie

 **Dongho:** I guess I'm gonna walk in by myself

 **Kyungil:** Hell nah

 **Kyungil:** The baddest bitch in this chat is not walking in alone

 **Kyungil:** Over my dead fucking body

**Juho:**

**Dongho:**

**Seulgi:**

**Kyulkyung:** Guys, for real this time, I think I found a gay

 **Seulgi:** I believe you did Pinky

 **Seulgi:** Juho explain

 **Juho:** Why do you assume I know anything about this?

 **Seulgi:** Because everybody tells you everything

 **Juho:** It's not my business to tell

 **Juho:** But can I ask how I was the only one who saw this coming?

 **Dongho:** You guys do know you can ask me or Kyungil

 **Kyulkyung:** That's no fun

 **Dongho:** If you guys must know...

 **Dongho:** There's nothing really to comment on honestly

 **Dongho:** We're progressing towards something and that's about it 

 **Dongho:** Anymore stupid questions?

 **Seulgi:** Yes!

 **Seulgi:** Um

 **Seulgi:** Who tops?

 **Dongho:** Discussion over

 **Kyungil:** "We're progressing towards something..."

 **Kyungil:** Is that your way of saying that we're dating

 **Kyungil:** Because we are

 **Kyulkyung:** SHIT FUCK DAMN

 **Kyulkyung:** KYUNGIL JUST CONFIRMED THAT KYUNGHO/DONGIL IS CANON

 **Dongho:** God fucking damn

 **Dongho:** Shouldn't you be finding a prom dress Pinky?

 **Kyulkyung:** I'm looking right now

 **Kyulkyung:** Hop off my dick mom and don't change the subject

 **Dongho:** I would but who the fuck decides to go to prom the day before the ACTUAL FUCKING PROM

 **Kyulkyung:** Me stupid

 **Dongho:** I'm-

 **Juho:** Didn't give poor Seungcheol time to find a tux and buy a corsage to match your imaginary dress

 **Seungcheol:** I just borrowed my friends Wonwoo's tux that he used last year

 **Seungcheol:** And I work part time in a flower shop so getting a corsage won't be a problem

 **Seungcheol:** Just waiting on Kyul to find a dress so I can match the color

 **Kyulkyung:** See?

 **Kyulkyung:** Seungcheol is on top of this

 **Kyulkyung:** My mans is the best

 **Seulgi:** How the hell did you cop him?

 **Seulgi:** You're flat chested and consist of nothing but corny jokes

 **Kyulkyung:** My chest may be flat but my ass sure is not

 **Seungcheol:** ^^^

 **Dongho:** I've sighed seven consecutive times in row now

 **Dongho:** I really am a disappointed father

 **Dongho:** But seriously, what the hell do you guys plan on doing for prom?

 **Kyungil:** Party?

 **Dongho:** I don't really like to party

 **Kyungil:** Minor kickback?

 **Kyulkyung:** YES YES YES YES YES

 **Kyulkyung:** LET'S MAKE IT A SLUMBER PARTY

 **Kyulkyung:** We haven't had one in forever

 **Juho:** Maybe the reason is because the last time we had one was in eighth grade

 **Juho:** And I distinctly remember the cops showing up and escorting Chungha out in handcuffs

 **Juho:** Calling that experience a slumber party buzzkill would be an understatement 

 **Kyulkyung:** But it was an experience nonetheless

 **Juho:** May I reiterate that CHUNGHA WAS ARRESTED DURING A GAME OF TRUTH AND DARE

 **Seungcheol:** You guys sure do know how to have...fun?

 **Seungcheol:** I would've loved to have known you guys then

 **Seulgi:** Shit now we really have to do it

 **Seulgi:** We have to show Seungcheol, Daniel, and Yijeong how we really get down

 **Seulgi:** Please please please please please please

 **Dongho:** I have no problems with this

 **Dongho:** And honestly, when will have the chance to do this again?

 **Kyungil:** Yeet I'll bring the booze

 **Dongho:** Excuse me?

 **Kyungil:** Board games I meant board games

 **Dongho:** I bet

 **Dongho:**  So I guess that we'll just meet at Hardee's or something and walk in as couples for prom

 **Juho:**  Good enough for me

 **Juho:**  Me and Donghan can fuck up some Chicken and Biscuits before we stunt at prom

 **Seulgi:** Your idea of stunting at prom is showing up an hour late and then proceeding to leave five minutes afterwards

 **Juho:** Go suck an ass and go help Pinky plan her birthday party

 **Kyulkyung:** SLUMBER PARTYU

 **Juho:** What the hell ever

 **Kyulkyung:** Don't be like that 

 **Kyulkyung:** You know since it's gonna be at your house...

 **Juho:** It's gonna be where now?

 **Seulgi:** Got em

 **Dongho:** There's this magical thing called being POLITE  AND ASKING SOMEONE FOR SOMETHING

 **Dongho:** But what do I know

 **Juho:** Why does everything has to be at my house?

 **Kyulkyung:** Because you have a big ass house and everything in it is also big ass sized

 **Kyulkyung:** Your living room or bedroom would be perfect for us to do various drugs in

 **Dongho:** KYULKYUNG

 **Kyulkyung:** I said what I said

**Juho:**

**Kyulkyung:** Please

 **Kyulkyung:** Guys help

 **Seulgi:** Pretty please

 **Kyungil:** Come on Ju pweety pweese

 **Dongho:** We do need the space

 **Dongho:** Would it be to much of a problem for you  Ju?

 **Juho:** Guys I don't know about this...

 **Kyulkyung:** Shit it's still not working 

 **Kyulkyung:** Time to bring in the big guns Seulgi

 **Seulgi:** On it

 **Juho:**???

 **Dongho:** Big guns?

 **Kyulkyung:** You'll see

 **Seulgi:** Alright

 **Kyulkyung:** Hey Donghannie

 **Donghan:** YES

 **Kyulkyung:** Sweet sweet sweet Donghan

 **Kyulkyung:** Twinky twinky twinky twinky twinky Donggie

 **Juho:** Oh no

 **Kyulkyung:** Oh yes

 **Kyulkyung:** Hannie do you like slumber parties?

 **Donghan:** FUCK YEAH I DO

 **Donghan:** My and Ju have them all the time

 **Kyungil:** But I bet there's no sleeping involved 

 **Dongho:** I will punch you in the throat

 **Kyungil:** Ooh kinky

 **Kyulkyung:** Wouldn't it be amazing to have one with us a Juho's place?

 **Donghan:** OH MY GOD YES YES YES YES

 **Kyulkyung:** I KNOW RIGHT?!?!!?!

 **Kyulkyung:** Unfortunately we're having trouble convincing him

 **Donghan:** Oh I see

 **Donghan:** Babe please please please please

 **Donghan:** It would be so much fun I promise

 **Donghan:** I'll do anything

 **Dongho:** WOAH

 **Kyungil:** Stand down honey this might work

**Juho:**

**Juho:**

**Juho:** Anything?

 **Donghan:** ANYTHING

**Juho:**

**Juho:** Fine

 **Kyulkyung:** YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET

 **Donghan:** I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

 **Seulgi:** Yeeeeeeeeet

 **Dongho:** Huh so that did work?

 **Dongho:** I'll help you get ready for tomorrow night Ju

 **Juho:** Thanks Dongho

 **Kyungil:** I'll be there to help too

 **Juho:** You're just gonna be in my pool the whole time

 **Kyungil:** I've been told that my presence soothes the people around me

 **Juho:** Whoever said that was a God damn liar

 **Juho:** Now fix yo fucking face and go pick up some snacks for the birthday party

 **Kyulkyung:** SLUMBER PARTY

 **Juho:** FUCKING HELL

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> There's a first time for everything right? This just happens to be my first EVER story and I would very so much would love to improve. So if I'm on some bullshit during this entire journey or whatever, make sure to drag me and tell me to get my shit together. Tips would be VERY much appreciated and I guess I'll shut up now!


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